If you’ve been going to therapy after betrayal and still don’t feel any better, you’re not alone, and you’re not broken.

Most people stabilise through therapy but then hit a wall. They can explain the affair, understand their childhood patterns, name their triggers… and still wake up every day feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or completely stuck.

In this episode, Luke breaks down why this happens, and it has nothing to do with failure or inadequacy.

You’ll learn how betrayal dysregulates the nervous system, why therapy is essential but not always enough on its own, and the specific ways coaching creates the forward momentum you’re craving.

Luke also shares a powerful analogy about the rope and the hole, illustrating how therapy helps you climb out of crisis, while coaching equips you with the tools to move forward once you’re out.

If you’ve ever thought, “I understand what happened… so why can’t I heal?” this episode will finally make things click.

• Betrayal triggers a physiological trauma response, your nervous system needs stabilising first.
• Therapy helps you understand and process the pain, but insight alone doesn’t create movement.
• Feeling stuck after therapy is normal, it simply means you’re ready for the next phase.
• Coaching bridges the gap between “I understand” and “I’m changing.”
• Forward movement isn’t dramatic, it’s seen in micro-shifts, not giant leaps.
• You know you’re ready to rebuild when you’re stable, curious, and wanting clarity more than comfort.

If therapy has helped you stabilise, but you’re ready for clarity, confidence, and forward movement, Luke can help you bridge that gap.

Explore one-to-one coaching or join The After the Affair Collective at lifecoachluke.com, where you’ll learn the tools to rebuild trust in yourself and move forward with intention.

Connect with Luke:

• Website: www.lifecoachluke.com
• Instagram: @mylifecoachluke
• Email: luke@lifecoachluke.com

One of the most painful parts of betrayal is believing someone else was chosen instead of you.

It can feel like a verdict, proof that you weren’t enough, that your worth has been measured and found wanting.

But what if being chosen was never the measure of your value in the first place?

In this episode, Luke explores the deeply human craving to be chosen and how it becomes distorted after betrayal. He explains why comparing yourself to an affair partner keeps you trapped in a story that was never about you, and how to reclaim your worth from the false belief that someone else’s choice defines it.

If you’ve ever wondered, “Why them, not me?” this episode will help you find peace, clarity, and strength in remembering that your value was never up for debate.

• The desire to be chosen is deeply human, but it’s not the measure of your worth.
• Betrayal distorts “being chosen” into comparison and self-blame.
• An affair partner isn’t proof of your inadequacy, they’re a mirror reflecting someone else’s disconnection.
• Being desired feels good, but when it becomes your evidence of value, you lose self-trust.
• Healing begins when you stop needing to be chosen and start choosing yourself.

If today’s episode helped you see yourself more clearly, you don’t have to stop here.

Through one-to-one coaching and The After the Affair Collective, Luke helps people rebuild self-worth that doesn’t depend on being picked, proving, or pleasing.

Connect with Luke:

• Website: www.lifecoachluke.com
• Instagram: @mylifecoachluke
• Email: luke@lifecoachluke.com

After betrayal, couples often feel like they’re living the same story, but in completely different timelines.

One partner feels miles ahead, ready to rebuild, while the other is still reeling from the shock.

This is The Lag - the time delay between awareness, understanding, and emotional readiness in the aftermath of infidelity.

In this episode, Luke explains how The Lag shows up in two major phases, first, the delay in awareness between the unfaithful and betrayed partner, and later, the difference in perception as healing begins.

He explores deeper layers too, emotional regulation, motivation, identity, and trust, showing how each partner can exist in a different emotional time zone even when they both want repair.

You’ll learn how to recognise The Lag, stop blaming each other for being “out of sync,” and start walking together again, even when your clocks don’t match.

• The Lag is the invisible time delay in awareness, understanding, and healing between partners after betrayal.
• The unfaithful has been living the truth for longer, the betrayed is only just discovering it.
• Emotional and physiological recovery move slower than cognitive understanding.
• Rebuilding trust takes time, being consistent matters more than being “seen.”
• The goal isn’t perfect synchrony; it’s staying connected while the clocks re-align.

If you’ve recognised The Lag in your own story, you’re not alone; it’s one of the most common patterns after infidelity.

Luke’s coaching and The After the Affair Collective community are designed to help you bridge that gap, building clarity, calm, and connection at your own pace.

Connect with Luke:

• Website: www.lifecoachluke.com
• Instagram: @mylifecoachluke
• Email: luke@lifecoachluke.com