A long time ago in a galaxy far far away… & other tales

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the crew for another week of sinful silliness, dubious logic, and a very firm reminder to… respect the cupboard. First up, Luke fakes a twisted ankle at his twins’ birthday bash and “heads to A&E”… only to limp straight to The Force Awakens, then on to TGI Fridays for a full debrief with “Han”. Dark side behaviour? Then Seaman Steve wages class war at Cowes Week with a stealthy nuts-and-bolts prank that sends Tarquins into a safety spiral. Plus: Selhurst Park Pete’s mum accidentally unleashes a downhill “snake” of supermarket trolleys, and science teacher Steve cons schoolkids with fake fortune-telling that turns him into Mr G the Psychic. Got a confession? Send it to [e-mail].