From a very young age, Remi lived outside the dominant social norm. Openly gay in middle school, he later came out as transgender, explored polyamorous relationships, and now participates in porn. Through each of these touchpoints, Remi had to make a choice between maintaining emotional safety in living based on normative expectations or pursuing a life that felt more authentic.

In this episode, Remi describes moments in their life where they chose joy and love. It’s not easy trusting your gut. Even in the absence of violence, the stories that dominant society tells us can be loud. Remi’s ability to follow his heart is an inspiring example of self-trust.

@Vanessacliff2

We know gender isn’t a binary - that has been understood for centuries across many cultures. But what is it? Perhaps it can be understood as a field or an ocean, a made-up cultural idea, tied to feelings, life experiences, interpersonal interactions, outward body appearance, body parts, social roles and norms, sexual roles, and more.

In this episode, Vanessa and Hannah, a person who lives somewhere outside the gender binary, look under the hood of gender identity. Hannah documents their personal journey with gender, self-expression and relationships. Their open, deep reflections reveal relatable inconsistencies. For example, they express apathy toward their perceived gender identity but also long for a different, more feminine body. They reject gender-based social expectations, while also desiring the kind of softer interactions that are often attached to femininity.

Even for people who recognize that gender is a made-up social construct, we are also wired for connection, so social constructs matter. Gender stereotypes, roles and expectations can and should be challenged, but these norms still loom large in collective thought. They subconsciously influence how we believe we should dress, talk, have sex, behave, or relate to others. Being honest about and dissecting the innumerable ways these assumptions show up in our lives may help us to break free of their constraints and enjoy just being.

@Vanessacliff2

Selling sex toys might not be a popular topic with conservative relatives at the Thanksgiving dinner table, but it’s a giant industry and, in the right hands, a helping profession.

Despite the stereotypes of skeezy adult theaters, Bambi describes largely positive experiences working with customers. They also had meaningful moments helping customers overcome the stigma attached to sexual, kink, or queer desire.

Bambi had a sex-positive mindset before working at the adult store, but their coworkers and experiences on the job contributed to their growth and exploration around gender, sexuality and self-confidence.

@Vanessacliff2