A Drunk And High Rewatch Of The Mummy Returns

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We put The Mummy Returns back on the stand for its anniversary and judge it by what’s on the screen today, not what we remember loving as kids. We land on a 2.5 out of 5 and end up arguing that nostalgia is real, but it can’t patch a messy sequel.
• our three-part rating method and what we’re smoking and drinking
• why the first Mummy feels tighter and warmer
• acting vs dialogue and why chemistry can’t save everything
• cinematography and blocking when CGI takes over
• the Scorpion King sequence and why it looks unrendered
• score repetition and losing the musical punch
• plot complaints like retcons flashbacks and chosen-one destiny
• rewatchability as comfort viewing even when it’s bad
• our rewrite ideas and the movie we’d rather see

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