#91. Building Homes and Lives: Tom Rector's Journey

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What if the parenting strategies that worked perfectly for one child completely fail with another? In this illuminating conversation, Tom Rector reveals why understanding a child's unique genetic makeup and personal memories is crucial for effective communication and connection.

Tom shares his remarkable journey from a 22-year-old contractor to the owner of Thomas Home Center, celebrating 50+ years in business and 55 years of marriage along the way. But the heart of our discussion goes beyond business success to explore Tom's profound insights into human development. Through raising five children—including two adopted—and his extensive work with CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocates), Tom discovered that traditional parenting approaches often fall short with children from different genetic backgrounds or traumatic histories.

The solution? What Tom calls "biosocial cognition"—recognizing that each person is shaped by three fundamental elements: their memories, their genetic predispositions, and their inherent humanity. This framework has transformed his approach to parenting, advocacy, and education, allowing him to connect with even the most resistant youth in juvenile detention facilities.

Perhaps most valuable is Tom's SHRR definition of maturity: Self-sufficient, Honest, Responsible, and Respectful. This simple yet profound framework gives young people and parents alike a clear understanding of what maturity actually means, rather than vague expectations to "grow up" or "act more mature."

Whether you're a parent struggling to connect with your child, an educator working with diverse learning styles, or simply someone interested in better human communication, Tom's wisdom offers practical approaches to meeting people where they are and helping them thrive on their own terms. Through his Accrescent Institute, Tom continues to share these insights through trainings, presentations, and resources designed to help children and families flourish.

Ready to transform your approach to parenting or working with youth? Visit the Accrescent Institute website to explore Tom's resources and discover how understanding biosocial cognition could change everything about how you connect with the children in your life.

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