85: The Addictive System: Why Stopping Behavior Isn't Enough

Stopping the behavior isn’t the same as healing.This week Luke breaks down why addiction is not a willpower problem—but a self-perpetuating system. Drawing from Patrick Carnes’ addictive system framework, this episode explains why sincere motivation often isn’t enough, why relapse happens even when behavior stops, and what true recovery actually requires.You’ll learn:Why addiction operates as a closed-loop systemHow shame and secrecy fuel relapseThe hidden role of core beliefs and impaired thinkingWhy partners often feel unsafe even after behavior stopsWhat it means to interrupt addiction upstreamThis episode is essential for anyone stuck in the cycle—or who loves someone who is.Go deeper into this healing work by joining one of our Phase 2 Beyond the Facade Men’s groups. Chapters01:11 Understanding Addiction as a System04:14 The Role of Core Beliefs in Addiction05:29 Impaired Thinking and Its Impact07:12 The Addictive Cycle Explained10:07 The Importance of Addressing Secrecy11:24 Partner's Perspective and System-Level WorkWatch the episode on YouTube ⁠HERERegister Now! ❤️‍🩹Help Her Heal Men’s Intensive - This immersive intensive is designed specifically for men to learn how to support their partners as they heal from betrayal trauma. You will participate in experiential workshops, receive personalized feedback, and learn practical tools to develop the emotional capacity needed for relationship repair. Join us April 14th-17th in Spanish Fork, UT. 🦋Rise, Renew, Restore Somatic Healing Retreat in Costa Rica - Ready to experience deep somatic healing? Join us this July for a transformative 5-day intensive created specifically for women healing from betrayal trauma or navigating divorce. This is your opportunity to reconnect with your body's wisdom, release what you've been carrying, and heal alongside other women.✨Courage to Thrive - This intensive brings together expert trauma specialists in the Utah mountains for a transformative experience that goes beyond healing—it's about getting your power back. Join other courageous women March 17th-20th, and leave with proven strategies, unshakeable boundaries, and renewed hope…because your story doesn't end with betrayal—it transforms into something powerful. 💵We don’t want finances to get in the way of your healing. Scholarships and payment plans (including buy now, pay later options) are available for our intensives. Connect With Us:Schedule a complimentary consultation here.Don’t miss an episode! Join our email list and get notified when new episodes air! Follow us on Instagram @choose_recovery_services Wanting more? Choose Recovery Services offers many courses specifically for men:Beyond the Facade: Men’s Healing Group - This group helps men move through the pains of addiction, relationship healing, managing emotions, and moving past shame. You’ll learn how to better connect with others, understand your own emotional experience, and build a deeper sense of self respect.Help. Her. Heal - This program is for men seeking to learn more about empathy, conflict resolution, and healthy communication. Additional Resources from Choose Recovery Services:Intensives - Accelerate your healing journey with one of our intensives, available year-round for individuals, couples, and professionals. Our intensives foster connection with others who share similar experiences, creating an immersive environment that enables profound transformation in a short period of time.Road to Recovery Webinar - Join us on the second Sunday of each month for a FREE interactive discussion that explores tools and strategies to support individuals and couples navigating the challenges of recovery following betrayal. Choose To Be Podcast - This podcast focuses on helping women heal from infidelity and betrayal trauma.Choose Healing - Weekly support group for women who have recently experienced betrayal. Learn more and register for courses at http://chooserecoveryservices.com