6 Reasons Holidays SUCK & How to Enjoy Them Anyway for Alienated Parents

Struggling with the holidays as an alienated or estranged parent? You’re not alone. In episode 165, Shelby unpacks the hidden challenges of the holiday season for those feeling the grief of missing out on experiencing so many special moments with their children. Discover why the holidays can feel so painful — and YES, sucky — ultimately learning how you can reclaim your power, find validation, and create new meaning, even in the midst of grief.

In this episode:

• The six core reasons holidays are especially hard for alienated parents
• How brain wiring and old traditions intensify holiday grief
• The impact of “disenfranchised grief” and feeling misunderstood
• The pressure of cultural “shoulds” and unrealistic holiday expectations
• The trap of “always” and “never” thinking
• Why forced gratitude can backfire—and what to do instead
• Redefining happiness: embracing all emotions as part of being human
• Practical steps to create safety, validation, and new rituals

Notable Quotes:

• “Nothing is wrong with you. Your reaction makes complete sense in light of what you lived through.”
• “Disenfranchised grief is real grief that doesn’t get recognized, validated, or supported by the people around you.”
• “When you fight reality, you lose—but a hundred percent of the time.”
• “You can define each holiday for you moving forward based on your values and what feels helpful and most supportive for you today.”
• “Happiness doesn’t produce the results you want in the end. All emotions show us our evidence of aliveness.”

Key Takeaways:

• The pain of the holidays is a normal response to loss and alienation—not a personal failing.
• Old routines and expectations can trigger grief, but acknowledging these feelings is the first step to healing.
• You are not alone in feeling misunderstood; disenfranchised grief is common and valid.
• Question cultural and personal “shoulds”—they often add unnecessary pressure.
• Allow yourself to feel all emotions, not just happiness; this is part of being human.
• Create your own rituals and definitions for the holidays, focusing on what supports you now.
• Small acts of self-validation and self-care can make the season more bearable and meaningful.

Tune in for real talk, practical steps, and a reminder: nothing is wrong with you.

00:00 Introduction and Welcome

00:33 Thanksgiving and Holiday Reflections

01:14 Understanding Alienation During Holidays

03:37 Six Reasons Why Holidays Are Difficult

16:29 Coping with Holiday Memories and Expectations

23:04 Disenfranchised Grief and Isolation

33:32 Understanding Ambiguous Grief

34:39 Acknowledging Your Feelings

35:49 Coping Strategies for Social Gatherings

37:25 Challenging Cultural Expectations

39:16 Reframing Negative Self-Talk

42:15 Letting Go of Absolute Statements

52:08 Finding Gratitude Amidst Pain

56:09 Redefining Holiday Expectations

01:01:05 Final Thoughts and Farewell