442: Men, Moral Injury, and Betrayal

In this episode, Dr. Debi sits down with Tim Wienecke, Air Force veteran, licensed clinician, and host of American Masculinity. Tim brings a rare and necessary perspective on the often-overlooked intersection of men, betrayal, and moral injury—a form of trauma that arises when individuals are forced to act against their own values, often within systems they once trusted. Together, we explore: What moral injury is and how it differs from (yet intertwines with) betrayal trauma. How men process betrayal differently from women, often turning to control or isolation instead of vulnerability. The heavy repercussions of military service, including drone operations, systemic failures, and the lifelong burden of collateral consequences. The side-by-side bonding style of men and why creating safe, non-confrontational spaces is critical for healing. The difference between boundaries and control—and why confusing the two can lead to unhealthy, even abusive, dynamics. How shame operates as a silencer for men and why true healing requires trusted groups who can reflect compassion and accountability. Practical tools for supporting men through betrayal, including reflective listening, meeting them in their own language (emotional, kinetic, or thought-based), and recognizing control behaviors early. Tim also shares deeply personal insights from his own service, how he came to understand moral injury in his work with veterans and first responders, and why America’s conversation around masculinity needs far more nuance than the oversimplified narratives we often hear. Whether you’re a clinician, a partner, or someone healing from betrayal yourself, this conversation opens up vital new ways of understanding how men carry trauma, how it shows up, and what can truly help them heal. Learn More About Tim Wienecke Visit americanmasculinity.com for his counseling services, podcast, and tools designed for men navigating betrayal, moral injury, and masculinity in today’s world. More Resources The PBT Institute: Break free from the pain of betrayal and find safety, love, and trust again. For the betrayed – Reclaim: Heal from your betrayal and take your life back. For the betrayer – Rebuild: Heal yourself and help heal the heart you broke. Take the Post Betrayal Syndrome Quiz – Post-Betrayal Syndrome Quiz