41: Are You Sabotaging Your Own Joy? How to Stop Holding Yourself Back in Midlife with Tamar Hurwitz-Fleming

Have you ever noticed that just when life starts to feel really good…you start waiting for the other shoe to drop? Or worse, you pick a fight or find a way to mess things up? That’s not random—it’s what psychologists call the Upper Limits Problem, and it’s one of the sneakiest ways we sabotage our own joy.

In this episode, I talk with award-winning author Tamar Hurwitz-Fleming, whose book How to Have a Happy Birthday explores why so many of us minimize celebrations, dread our own birthdays, or struggle to receive joy.

We discuss:

✔️What the Upper Limits Problem is and how it shows up in daily life

✔️Why birthdays are a magnifying glass for self-sabotage

✔️Childhood experiences that shape how we feel about celebrating ourselves

✔️How birthdays can be a practice ground for raising your threshold for joy

✔️Why fully feeling joy matters—not just for us, but for our kids

If you’ve ever cringed at the thought of being celebrated, struggled with disappointment on your birthday, or wondered why joy feels uncomfortable, this conversation is for you.

📖 Learn more about Tamar and her book at howtohaveahappybirthday.com.

👉 If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend who doesn’t love her birthday—because maybe it’s time she had a different story about celebrating herself.

Chapters:

03:34 The Upper Limits Problem

06:45 How to Use Your Birthday To Expand Your Joy Threshold

08:51 How & Why We Sabotage Our Birthday

12:15 How Jessica Sabotages Her Birthday

17:31 How Parents Can Help Their Kids Expand Their Thresholds for Joy

21:19 How to Have A Happy Birthday in December

23:48 Why It's Important to Celebrate On Your Actual Birthday

26:13 Want to Have A Happy Birthday? Start Here.

29:23 Key takeaways

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