4 Steps to Rewire Your Brain for Joy: Breaking Free from Blame, Shame, and Control with Nicole Zasowski

In today’s episode, we’re talking about how to stop spiraling in control, comparison, and “what if” thinking—and start gently rewiring your brain for real, lasting joy.

I’m so excited to welcome back Nicole Zasowski, marriage and family therapist and author, Nicole blends neuroscience, emotional health, and faith in a way that helps women release anxiety, perfectionism, and the pressure to hold everything together—so they can build healthier relationships, experience emotional wholeness, and live with more freedom and joy.

Here’s the freeing truth she shares: if you’re stuck in blame, shame, control, or escape, it doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means your brain is doing what it learned to do to keep you safe. Anxiety, control, and comparison aren’t personal failures—they’re your brain’s default wiring—and you can change it.

Nicole walks us through her 4-Step Framework:

1. Name what you’re feeling
2. Notice your default response: blame, shame, control, or escape
3. Claim the truth about that feeling
4. Choose a response that fosters connection, courage, and freedom

We also talk about how celebrating others’ wins—even when it’s hard—can unlock your own joy, why perfectionism and comparison steal happiness, and how joy can feel vulnerable when we’re used to protecting ourselves.

By the end of this episode, you’ll know how to:

• Stop spiraling in “what if” thinking
• Release blame, shame, and control
• Rewire your brain through small, intentional practices
• Celebrate others without diminishing yourself
• Build healthier, more honest relationships
• Redefine success as congruence and courage, not perfection and balance.

The heart of this conversation is simple: you don’t feel your way into change—you practice your way there. Practicing truth before you feel it isn’t pretending. It’s formation—and it’s how your brain actually changes.

Resources mentioned:

• Nicole Zasowski books: Daring Joy, What if It's Wonderful?, From Lost to Found: Giving Up What You Think You Want for What Will Set You Free
• Previous Tried & Truth Episode with Nicole: Releasing Fears and Finding the courage to Celebrate with Nicole Zasowski

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