38: Who Are You After They're Gone with Derek Canty: Grief, Identity & Caregiving

This episode is about love, responsibility, anticipatory grief, and the hard part no one prepares you for: the after. When the role ends, the routines disappear, and you are left asking, “Who am I now?”

In this episode, Derek Canty joins me to share what it was really like before and after he became his mother’s caretaker following her cancer diagnosis.

Derek opens up about the tension of being both “the responsible one” and still just a son, trying to stay present while the ground is shifting underneath you.

We talk about the role you take on before you are ready, and how caretaking can blur everything, including your identity, your emotional capacity, and even your relationship with the person you love most.

We also talk about what it feels like to lose a loved one in real time, how grief can pull you so far from yourself you barely recognize who you are, and what happens to a family when loss touches everyone in different ways.