347: The Real Reason Transitions Are So Hard For Your Child

Leaving the house, turning off the tablet, starting homework—why does something so small spark such big meltdowns? If you’re exhausted from what feels like Groundhog’s Day every morning, afternoon, and bedtime, you’re not alone.

Here’s the truth: it’s not bad parenting—it’s a dysregulated brain. And once you understand the real reason transitions are so hard for your child, you can begin shifting from constant battles to calmer, smoother days.

In this episode, I explain the brain science behind transition struggles, why many children fight tooth and nail against even non-preferred activities, and practical steps you can use to make transitions easier at home, school, or even heading to dance class.

Why does my child melt down during transition time?

Many parents are shocked by how strongly their kids react when asked to switch from one activity to another. But the root cause isn’t stubbornness—it’s biology.

During transition time, the brain has to “shift gears.” For a dysregulated child, this is exhausting and overwhelming.

• The brain’s CEO (prefrontal cortex) goes offline under stress, making switching tasks harder.
• Kids with ADHD, anxiety, or sensory sensitivities struggle more because flexibility takes extra energy.
• Triggers like hunger, fatigue, and sensory overload often go unnoticed but make transitions harder.

Behavior is communication. When your child melts down at the moment of change, they’re really saying, “This is too much for me right now.”

What are the hidden triggers that make transitions harder?

One mom reported that mornings before school felt like a war zone. Her son ended up in tears on the floor while the family scrambled to get him out the door. Sound familiar?

Here are the triggers many parents miss:

• Unpredictable routines – Sudden schedule shifts cause anxiety.
• Demands that feel rushed or critical – Even a few minutes earlier than expected can trigger stress.
• Overstimulation from screens – Coming off the computer or tablet without a reset makes kids crash.
• Emotional load – Stress at home (like divorce or conflict) amplifies reactivity.

Think of yourself as a dysregulation detective. Instead of asking, “Why won’t they just listen?” ask, “What’s the root cause of this reaction?”

If you’re tired of walking on eggshells or feeling like nothing works…

Get the FREE Regulation Rescue Kit and finally learn what to say and do in the heat of the moment.

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How can I make transitions easier for my child?

Good news: with a few practical steps, you can shift from chaos to calm. These small adjustments work whether it’s bedtime, leaving the house, or starting a non-preferred activity like homework.

• Preview and prepare – Give 5-minute warnings with visual timers. Kids need predictability.
• Co-regulate first – Let’s calm the brain first. Sit together, breathe, squeeze a hand, or offer water. Your calmness teaches their nervous system safety.
• Build in micro resets – A stretch, a sip of water, or movement helps kids reset between activities.
• Offer limited choices – “Do you want to walk or skip to the car?” reduces resistance while giving healthy control.
• Practice when calm – Rehearse routines during low-stress moments. Like a learning curve in gymnastics class, repetition builds new brain...