3. Natural vs. Conditional Loving

In this week’s shiur, Rav Shlomo Katz explores the foundation of Natural vs. Conditional Loving. Every parent begins with an unconditional, unexplainable love—ahavah tiv’it—simply because our child exists. As children grow and reveal talents, quirks, and challenges, a second layer—ahavah mutenet—forms, often shaping how we respond and how they feel loved. The work is to bridge these two, so the deepest, unconditional love never gets buried.

Together we learn:

• The long–short path of chinuch: why taking time to explain clearly now creates quicker, gentler reception later.
• How unconditional love at birth (you are, therefore I love you) often gets clouded by comparison, correction, and “fixing.”
• The shift from ahavah tiv’it (rooted in existence) to ahavah mutenet (shaped by personality and traits).
• Why “favorites” and subtle distance creep in, and how to return to the root love beneath them.
• A Rosh Hashanah lens: just as the day celebrates the creation of Adam, so too it calls us back to love that flows from existence itself.

Practical takeaways:

• Give one no-reason act of kindness to your child this week—just because they are.
• Catch yourself when love feels conditional; pause and recall the root, unconditional bond.
• Think one positive thought about each child daily; they feel the shift, even before you act.

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