284: How to Work Smarter on Your Marriage for Real, Lasting Change

Have you ever worked so hard to fix a problem in your marriage, only to find yourself right back in the same place weeks later?

Most couples don't struggle because they aren't trying.

They struggle because they're putting a lot of effort into changes that can't create lasting results.

In this episode, Dan explains what it actually means to work smarter on your marriage, not harder. Drawing from systems theory, personal experience, and real coaching stories, he shows why some changes help temporarily while others lead to real, lasting transformation.

He breaks down the difference between first-order change (doing more or less of the same things) and second-order change (upgrading the rules your relationship is operating on).

You'll learn how to recognize when you're stuck in surface-level fixes, how to identify the unspoken "rules" your marriage is operating by, and what it looks like to make changes at the level that truly creates growth—especially around intimacy, desire differences, and recurring conflict.

Resources

• Next Level Loving: A Virtual Intimacy Getaway (Feb 13-14): https://getyourmarriageon.com/next-levels-virtual-lovemaking-retreat/
• Get Your Marriage On Coaching Program: https://getyourmarriageon.com/program/
• Intimately Us & Just Between Us apps (Valentine's Intimacy Challenge coming up!): https://getyourmarriageon.com/our-apps/