252: From ‘Be the Best’ Anxiety to Trusting Your Child’s Natural Learning

When Sara's four-year-old son started asking permission to use art supplies he'd always freely accessed before, she knew something had shifted. After a year in a (loving, high-quality!) preschool, her previously autonomous child was suddenly seeking approval for things that had never required it. Sara had never required this at home, and in fact it worried her because it didn't fit with her values to treat her son as a whole person. If this shift was happening so obviously at home, what other changes might be occurring that she couldn't see yet - changes that might not align with what mattered most to her family? Sara wished she could homeschool, but knew it wasn't in the cards. Seeing the shift in her son showed her that once her son started formal school, she was going to be the one who helped him to stay connected to learning that wasn't just based on rote memorization. But how would she do this, when she wasn't a teacher? In this conversation, Sara shares how she learned to step back from teaching and instead scaffold her son's innate curiosity about everything from astronauts to construction vehicles. As an architect and immigrant parent navigating cultural pressures around achievement, Sara's story reveals how supporting your child's interests rather than directing their learning can transform both your relationship and their confidence as a learner. Whether you're working full-time, in school, homeschooling, or simply wondering how to nurture your child's curiosity without taking over, Sara's practical examples show that interest-based learning doesn't have to add a lot of work to busy family life. It becomes an organic part of how you connect and explore the world together. Questions this episode will answer

• What does interest-based learning look like in real family life?
• How can parents support learning without taking over their child's exploration?
• What is scaffolding in education and how do you do it effectively?
• How do you identify and follow your child's genuine interests?
• What are learning explorations and how do they differ from traditional teaching?
• How can working parents implement interest-led learning with limited time?
• What role should documentation play in supporting children's learning?
• How do you overcome perfectionism when supporting your child's education?
• What does "following the child" mean in practice?
• How can parents build their child's creative problem-solving skills?

What you'll learn in this episode You'll discover practical strategies for supporting your child's innate curiosity without turning into the teacher. Sara shares specific examples of learning explorations around space and construction vehicles that show how to scaffold learning by asking questions instead of providing answers. You'll learn to recognize when your child is truly engaged versus when you've taken over their exploration. The episode reveals how small shifts in language - things like pausing and saying: "Hmmm…I wonder?" instead of immediately explaining - can transform everyday moments into meaningful learning opportunities. This simple shift transitions the responsibility for learning from you back to your child, and invites them to consider how their current question fits with what they already know. It also establishes a habit of what we do when we have questions: we don't simply jump to Google or ChatGPT; we first work to understand whether we might actually already have the answer (or something close to it) ourselves. This protects our kids against the stupidification that research warns us is happening now that we can turn to AI to answer our every question. Sara's journey from perfectionist parent (her parents' motto when she was a child: "Be The Best!") to