234: A Family, Maybe- Lane I.

Welcome into the Young Dad Pod—whether you’re folding laundry, wiping mashed bananas off the ceiling, or quietly googling ‘how to be a good dad’ in the middle of the night—thank you for being here.

Today’s guest is Lane Igoudin—dad, professor, and author of the memoir A Family, Maybe, which tells the powerful story of how he and his partner Jonathan became a family through the foster care system—while fighting for equality as gay parents in pre-marriage-equality America. Lane is one of the first openly gay dads in the U.S. to foster and adopt, and his story is about more than paperwork and parenting—it’s about love, identity, resilience, and how we protect what matters most.

To everyone listening: if you want a memoir that will challenge your assumptions, inspire your spirit, and remind you what family is really about, grab Lane's book A Family, Maybe at laneigoudin.com/afm.

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00:00 Introduction to Lane's Journey

01:00 The Evolution of Gay Parenting

04:53 The Foster Care System's Challenges

10:28 Reunification vs. Adoption: A Child's Perspective

15:14 The Role of the County as Parent

24:49 The Cost of the System and Its Implications

31:54 The Challenges of Gay Parenting and Adoption

34:08 Scrutiny and Standards in Foster Care

38:55 The System's Failures and Child Welfare

44:50 Navigating Family Dynamics and Cultural Identity

51:07 Conversations Across Divides: Finding Common Ground