#223: What It Really Takes to Make an Anxious–Avoidant Relationship Work

Anxious–avoidant relationships are often described as doomed — intense, painful, and inherently incompatible. While these dynamics can certainly be challenging, they’re not automatically destined to fail.

In this episode, I explore what it actually takes to make an anxious–avoidant relationship work — not through chemistry, hope, or sheer effort, but through three essential, non-negotiable ingredients.

I share why these dynamics can become either deeply healing or deeply reinforcing of old wounds, and how safety, responsibility, and discernment determine which way it goes.

In this episode, I cover:

• Why anxious–avoidant relationships can feel both magnetic and destabilising
• The difference between understanding attachment styles and doing the relational work
• Why commitment is essential — and how “one foot out the door” undermines safety
• The role of humility in breaking defensive patterns and power struggles
• Why self-awareness isn’t enough without nervous system and relational capacity
• How to discern whether a relationship can actually support mutual growth and security

This episode is not about forcing a relationship to work at all costs. It’s about honestly assessing whether the conditions required for safety, repair, and growth are present — and whether both partners have the willingness and capacity to do the work.

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