20. Family Part 1: Finding Your Place

Hi friends — the Holidays are here and we're unpacking one complicated (heavy, beautiful, messy??) word: family.

Family used to mean the people you shared a household with or the descendants of a common ancestor. In recent history the definition has expanded to include chosen family, step family, friends, and more. In this episode we wander through all the definitions and what they actually feel like in real life.

If I had to put it simply: family can be the blood you were born with, the people who raised you, the ones you’re building life with now, and the folks you choose when home doesn't feel safe. Sometimes it’s a neighbor who clears your driveway more than an uncle you only text at reunions. Sometimes it’s all living things — like the earth itself is reminding you you belong (as in Mary Oliver's poem Wild Geese).

We talk about how family shapes our nervous systems and our stories, how being a caregiver and being a child are two very different family roles, and how choices made in youth can echo for decades.

We also get real about the hard stuff: estrangement, shame, the decisions people make that push others away, and the grief of parents and kids who miss each other during phases of growth. There’s honest talk about how families can get stuck in expectations (hey, living vicariously through your kids) and how marriage, partnership, or legal status sometimes determines who gets welcomed into the fold.

We bring practical tools too — like the zones of intimacy (concentric circles of closeness) and a tiny phone hack: add a strawberry emoji to contacts of people you want to grow closer to. It’s an easy way to be intentional about relationships instead of letting them drift.

Boundaries come up as a form of love: Prentice Hemphill’s line — boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously — is our favorite. Boundaries can be temporary, a way to protect your energy while you heal, or a long-term shift when relationships no longer support your wellbeing.

We hold both gratitude and resentment at once — loving someone and being hurt by them — and talk about repair: when ruptures can be healed, when they can’t, and how sometimes life events reorder priorities so people move closer again. Ultimately family is an evolution, and sometimes it’s community, Sangha, or chosen kin that becomes the home you need.

Resources:

• Zones of Intimacy
• Wild Geese by Mary Oliver

Connect with Us:

• Sarah Koch: @radintimacy | radintimacy.com
• Bryan Russell: @sadhanayogaschool | sadhanayoga.com
• Suggest a topic: DM us or email [e-mail]

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