Thank you for tuning in to 2 Whits 1 Cup's exclusive coverage of ELECTION NIGHT IN ODYSSEY. It's too early to make a call in the race for mayor between Margaret Faye and Bart Rathbone, but either way, John Avery Whittaker is going to be PISSED about it. But not more pissed than he is about Connie, his daughter in all but biology and legality, hanging out with his ex! In addition to some important discussions about how to tell if your pasta is done, we start to wonder if the Adventures in Odyssey writers are a SMIDGE misogynistic???????

We're taking a quick break from Adventures in Odyssey, but that doesn't mean we're getting away from all those terrible church kid memories! Test your knowledge about biblical references to semen and testes, people God has murdered, and so much more! Why does this sound like it was written by a marketing AI and not with my typical derangement? I don't know! But I'm already so bored of typing this so I'm not going back to edit for tone!

HAPPY NUDE YEAR SKANKS! There's a wedding in this eppy!!!!!! And no one cares. Normally, it's just us with the bad attitudes, but this week, Odyssey's best Christians are joining our poopooing. Also, George Barclay is in town for a "pastor's convention" (yeah ok George, we'll believe you once you're done getting fellated), and boy howdy does he TOTALLY cockblock Jason and Connie. Whit sucks. Tom is a mastermind. CIRCUMCISE YOUR HEARTS. Can I be done now?

IT'S CHRISTMAS, and this year, we're talking about one of the GAYEST and MOST ROMANTIC episodes of Adventures in Odyssey: THE POPSICLE KID. Seriously, if the gang at Focus on the Family were TRYING to write a queer Hallmark story, this would be it. EEK!

IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM PERCY AND PARSNIP (WITH POOP!)

What is Katrina gurgling in that one scene and why? Is Jack going to dump Joanne for a homosexual antique store manager? Will Whittaker privilege never end? Lord, there are SOOOOO many questions for us to discuss, and that's why we have a nearly two-hour poddy eppy about FOR WHOM THE WEDDING BELLS TOLL, PART 2.

Odyssey has a new unfettered trollop ... and she has her sights set on one John Avery Whittaker (ever heard of him?). Prepare to get nasty, bitches, because Margaret Faye is bursting onto the scene with expansive cleavage and pliant views on scriptural authority. It's time for FOR WHOM THE WEDDING BELLS TOLL, PART 1, the opening chapter Percy and Parsnip's favorite triumvirate of Adventures in Odyssey episodes (WE KNOW THEY'RE TOXIC AS HECK OK).

Is Jason Whittaker circumcised? That's what we discuss in this episode. And it's relevant, technically, because that was a big decision Whit had to make, and another big decision he has to make is whether to leave Odyssey again! See? Apropos! (Nice one, Percy)