186. Divorcing a “Narcissist”? What to Avoid So You Don’t Hurt Your Case

If you’re saying “my ex is a narcissist”… listen first.

If you’ve spent more than five minutes on TikTok, Reddit, or Instagram, you’ve seen it everywhere: “My co-parent is a narcissist.” And we get why that label feels validating. It gives your pain a name.

But here’s the problem: labels don’t carry weight in court — behavior does. And when you lead with a diagnosis you can’t prove, you risk looking reactive, emotional, or unreliable in the one place where credibility matters most.

In this episode, we’re joined by two powerhouse custody attorneys — Kristen Holstrom and Samantha McBride (the Custody Queens) — to explain what actually helps you win: specific facts, consistent documentation, strong boundaries, and a strategy that keeps you from getting pulled into emotional warfare.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode

1. Why calling your ex a narcissist can backfire legally and emotionally
2. The difference between traits vs. a true clinical diagnosis (and why it rarely shows up in court)
3. What judges care about most in custody cases: co-parenting and facilitating the other parent’s relationship
4. How to build a case using patterns, timelines, and evidence
5. Why social media is forever (even if you delete it)
6. How co-parenting apps like OurFamilyWizard can protect you and create documentation
7. “Chess, not checkers”: how to stop reacting and start controlling your side of the street
8. Why custody evaluations can go sideways when you show up with labels instead of facts

Key Takeaways (AKA: The stuff that saves you money and sanity)1) Labels feel good. Evidence wins cases.

Courts don’t decide custody based on “he’s a narcissist.” They decide based on what happened, how often, and how it impacts the children.

2) Your credibility is everything.

If you sound like you’re diagnosing your ex, you may unintentionally look like the unstable one — especially in high-stakes settings like custody evaluations.

3) Social media can cost you custody time and settlement leverage.

Posting, reposting, liking, or commenting on “narcissist” content can be used against you. Even deleted posts can come back via screenshots.

4) Boundaries are strategy — not weakness.

Tools like OurFamilyWizard don’t mean you failed. They mean you’re building guardrails and a paper trail.

5) Power is preparation.

When you’re organized, strategic, and documenting the right things, you get your power back.

Action Steps (Do this after you finish the episode)

1. Drop the label. Keep the facts.
2. Replace “He’s a narcissist” with: “He missed 7 pickups in 30 days.”
3. Build a timeline.
4. Dates, times, missed exchanges, late pickups, medical info withheld, school info excluded.