178. The #1 Divorce Question That Will Impact Your Legal Strategy

If you’re in the middle of a divorce and constantly asking yourself “WHY is this happening?”, this episode is about to save you money, misery, and a whole lot of emotional tailspinning.

This week, Andrea and Morgan dive deep into the question that can either move your divorce forward—or completely derail you: WHY.

When is asking why strategic?

And when is it a waste of attorney fees (or your sanity)?

To help break it all down, we’re joined by Cary J. Mogerman, one of the most respected divorce attorneys in Missouri. Cary brings decades of experience, a wise-professor vibe, and a no-nonsense approach to helping clients understand the process clearly, calmly, and strategically.

Cary J. Mogerman is one of the most highly regarded divorce lawyers in Missouri and wellknown to other top family law attorneys throughout the United States. He is a Fellow of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers and in 2022, served as President of the national organization. He is a Diplomate of the American College of Family Trial Lawyers, an invitation-only assemblage limited to 100 members throughout the United States; Cary is a member of its executive committee. He is a Fellow of the International Academy of Family Lawyers.

https://carmodymacdonald.com/people/cary-j-mogerman/

In this conversation, you’ll learn:

• Why “Why is this happening to me?” is a therapist question—not a lawyer question
• How to ask WHY in a way that strengthens your strategy, saves money, and reveals leverage
• Why understanding your spouse’s emotional triggers can completely shift mediation
• The one communication mistake clients make that drives lawyers insane
• When your lawyer should break things down in plain language
• Why slowing down your responses (yes, YOU) will prevent disaster
• How to stop burning money on the wrong kind of questions
• Why the legal process feels slow, confusing, and unfair—and what to do with that
• How to advocate for yourself without apologizing

PLUS: Andrea reveals a HUGE co-parenting milestone (Shabbat dinner with the ex… yes, seriously), and Morgan talks through why listeners were so triggered by last week’s episode—and what that means for your own healing.

This is the episode you NEED if you’re negotiating, mediating, litigating, co-parenting, or just trying to get through the day without rage-texting your ex or panic-emailing your lawyer.

Key Takeaways1. Not All “Why” Questions Are Helpful

“Why is this happening?”

“Why is he acting like this?”

“Why is she being crazy?”

These are human questions—but not legal ones.

They belong in therapy, not in your billable hours.

2. Strategic Why’s Are POWERFUL

Why are we filing this motion?

Why is this our mediation plan?

Why is my ex reacting this strongly to ONE issue?

These help your attorney build a smarter, more effective case.

3. Your Lawyer Should Explain Everything in Plain Language

Cary breaks down why attorneys NEED to simplify their communication—and why you should never feel embarrassed asking:

“Can you explain that in normal-person English?”

4. Your Spouse’s Triggers = Your Strategy

You know your spouse better than anyone.

Your insights help your attorney negotiate smarter and faster.

5. Don’t Make Split-Second Decisions During Emotional Surges

You’re not being chased by a bear.

Slow down. Breathe. Don’t respond immediately.

You can literally save thousands of