173. What To Tell Your Divorce Attorney and What to Tell Your Friends- We Break it Down

When divorce gets messy, who gets the details, your best friend or your lawyer? Comedian Andrea Rappaport and family-law powerhouse Morgan L. Stogsdill break down exactly what belongs in your attorney’s inbox (strategy, facts, timelines, negotiations) and what belongs at brunch (feelings, venting, support). You’ll learn how to communicate efficiently to save money, protect leverage, and avoid sabotaging your case, plus how to choose the right friends to lean on without getting “keyed up and liquored up” and firing off expensive emails. Practical scripts, pattern-tracking tips, and a reminder that attorney-client conversations are confidential.

• Negotiating without lawyers? Tell your attorney first.
• What to report: “We’ve been negotiating directly,” plus the round-by-round back-and-forth (Offer → Counter → Counter). This preserves leverage and prevents your lawyer from being blindsided by opposing counsel’s “but the parties already agreed…” (≈ 11:00–12:31).
• Use cost-effective communications.
• Prefer a short bullet-point email or a 15-minute call to recap facts; end with a clear question (“Is this relevant / do you need more?”) so your lawyer can triage quickly (≈ 12:06–12:41, 16:45–17:45).
• Medical issues can change your financial outcome.
• Tell your lawyer the bottom line (e.g., “Follow-up testing showed I had a stroke; next steps include X”). This can impact maintenance/alimony, health-insurance planning, and future medical costs—don’t hold back due to privacy; it’s confidential (≈ 6:01–8:54).
• Kids & custody: document patterns, not one-offs.
• Track behaviors over time (timeline with dates) and escalate only when a pattern emerges. Use a co-parenting app (e.g., OurFamilyWizard) so records are centralized and tamper-resistant (≈ 18:59–20:29, 36:13–36:49).
• Do not crowd-source legal strategy or finances to friends.
• Don’t pass around your financial affidavit/balance sheet or share strategy; non-experts amp anxiety and can trigger costly re-work by your legal team (≈ 24:07–26:45).
• Avoid “keyed up + liquored up” emails.
• Late-night venting to your lawyer = billable time and often requires follow-up to unwind, costing hundreds for nothing actionable (≈ 24:49–25:48).
• Attorney-client privilege & scope.
• Your lawyer needs high-level facts and actionable timelines; save feelings for friends/therapist unless they reveal patterns relevant to the case (≈ 4:47–5:37, 18:59–19:46).

• 00:00 Why lawyers need the facts; negotiating w/o attorneys
• 03:38 Attorney vs. friend: who gets what
• 06:01 Medical issues that change financial outcomes
• 09:35 Private negotiations: how to report rounds + counters
• 12:06 Bullets vs. calls; add a question to every email
• 16:45 Kids’ issues: patterns, timelines, apps
• 21:16 Choosing the right friend (avoid “Sally Big Mouth” & hidden agendas)
• 24:07 Don’t show friends your balance sheet; cost traps
• 32:56 Community + handwritten cards (sponsor segment)
• 41:19 Marathon mindset + resources/community

• “Your attorney protects your case; your friend protects your heart—don’t confuse the two.”
• “If you’re negotiating directly, tell us—and give...