17: The Rules, as Told on Crack

17: The Rules, as Told on Crack
// Deut 11-20

in the Deut-Deut episode Toot-Toot, we’ll be joining Moses and the gang, with Moses continuing to outline the rules and customs the Israelites should follow once they cross into the promised land and kill everyone.

• Moses continues to tell the israelites the rules
• Moses says if the israelites follow the rules, they’ll get rain and prosper
• Moses reinforces the need and value of church dinners
• Kiernan and Laura reflect on church dinners from their past
• Kiernan and Laura re-state that we are against slavery
• Moses continues with rules including which animals are okay to eat
• Moses outlines the rules for passover
• Laura and Kiernan agree that Moses totally fucks and has eric andre chaotic energy
• Moses outlines rules for stoning people for trying different religions
• Moses outlines rules for burning down villages for trying different religions
• Moses hints that we may need a king soon but that the king will be picked by God and shouldn’t be like egyptian kings
• Moses outlines a list of rules in a variety of categories in a seemingly-random order
• Moses says to sacrifice a cow if you can’t find the murder suspect, take good care of people’s pets, you have to build parapets
• Moses says don’t be wizards, don’t leave corpses hanging everywhere, don’t cross-dress, don’t diddle your stepmom, don't have an ox and donkey pull the same yoke
• Moses says if you lie about being a virgin or cheat on your spouse, you get stoned (the bad kind)