118. The Truth About "Failing" as a Mom

Do you ever lie awake at night feeling like you're failing your children?

You’re not alone. Research shows a staggering 78% of mothers believe they aren’t doing enough for their kids.

But what if everything we’ve been told about perfect parenting is wrong?

This short episode of our weekly podcast delivers a truth that might just set you free: According to Circle of Security research spanning decades and thousands of families, you only need to “get it right” about 30% of the time for your child to develop secure attachment.

That’s right—30% is an A+ in the world of positive parenting strategies, calm parenting tips, and kind and firm parenting. When I first learned this as a mother years ago, I literally wept with relief. After all the books, courses, and well-meaning advice about everything parents should do perfectly, discovering this 30% threshold felt like someone had finally released the pressure valve on impossible expectations.

Even more fascinating, research from psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott on “the good enough mother” shows that our imperfections actually benefit our kids. Just as trees grown without wind eventually topple because they never develop strong roots, children need the “wind” of manageable disappointments to build what I call their “struggle muscles.” These challenges—whether it’s a meltdown, resistance, or a burst of anxiety & emotions—are how they develop resilience and confidence.

Your child’s frustration tolerance grows precisely because you aren’t perfect. As Dr. Jane Nelsen, co-founder of Positive Discipline, once told me: “The one thing parents need to do differently is stop trying to be perfect.”

If you’ve been craving real talk, parenting tips & tools, and science-backed insight on gentle parenting, this episode of the Sustainable Parenting podcast is for YOU. Subscribe for more on how to get kids to listen, how to stop tantrums, and stop power struggles with kids—all while building stronger parent-child connection, raising confident kids, and practicing parenting without yelling.

Ready for calm, confident parenting that feels lighter? Click the link in the episode notes to schedule a one-on-one session with me or one of my trained parenting coaches. Let’s make parenting easier—together.

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