006: The Work of Attachment: Seen. Soothed. Safe. Secure

We’re made for attachment—but many of us learned to survive by not attaching. Jeff and Phil explore how early abandonment, toxic shame, and fear train us to confuse intensity for intimacy, and what it looks like to regrow our “Velcro” in real relationships. You’ll hear a son who stands his ground, friends who travel to grieve with—and why the four S’s (seen, soothed, safe, secure) matter so much.

From marriage and parenting to friendship and faith, this conversation names the risk of staying present, the comfort of being known, and the long, grace-filled work of becoming attachable again. Includes a practical journaling exercise to map your primary attachment figures and where you long to reconnect.

✨ What you’ll hear in this episode:

• Why we mistake intensity for intimacy—and how to tell the difference
• The “Velcro” metaphor: sliding off vs. sticking, and learning to stick again
• A live picture of secure attachment in conflict (“I’m staying”)
• The four S’s of secure attachment: seen, soothed, safe, secure
• Friends who practice with-ness in grief
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• A simple exercise to begin re-attaching where it matters most