003 | Communication: "The Pursue-Withdraw Dynamic" with my friend Emil Harker, LMFT

▶︎▶︎ EPISODE NOTES

In this episode of the RelateGREAT! Podcast, licensed marriage and family therapists Emil Harker, LMFT, and Jonathan Sherman, LMFT, delve into the pursue-withdraw dynamic often seen in relationships. This is a re-broadcast of an episode Emil did on a former podcast he was involved with. They discuss the motivations behind pursuing and withdrawing behaviors and how these can create a damaging cycle if not managed properly. Jonathan and Emil share practical strategies for both pursuers and withdrawers to break the cycle and foster healthier communication and connections. By emphasizing the importance of safety and understanding, they offer actionable advice to help listeners strengthen their relationships and avoid common pitfalls.

▶︎▶︎ HIGHLIGHTS

00:00 Introduction: The Art of Listening

00:25 Stop, Look, and Listen: Practical Tips

01:40 Meet Emil Harker: A Trusted Therapist

04:20 Exploring the Pursue-Withdraw Dynamic

04:53 Common Terms and Misconceptions

05:56 The Pursue-Withdraw Cycle in Relationships

08:05 Gender Patterns and Topic-Based Dynamics

12:12 Managing the Pursue-Withdraw Dynamic

14:52 Understanding the Pursuit of Sex and Power

15:22 The Emptiness of Pursuit

16:59 The Pursue-Withdraw Dynamic

17:09 Why Do People Withdraw?

20:26 The Role of Fear in Withdrawal

20:52 Strategies for Pursuers and Withdrawers

23:46 The Importance of Safety in Relationships

26:56 Effective Communication Techniques

30:12 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Referenced Resources:

Emil Harker’s website

Get Emil’s book!