Wuthering Heights

A Sweary Classics Adaptation

Gothic romance at its most unhinged—now without the Victorian sentence structure from hell.

What's a Sweary Classic? The complete original story—same plot, same characters, same emotional devastation—just translated into modern, hilarious, sweary language that doesn't require a literature degree to understand. Think: all the moors, revenge, and toxic romance, zero Victorian torture.

Catherine Earnshaw and Heathcliff are obsessed with each other in the most destructive way possible—think soulmates if soulmates were also each other's worst enemies. They grew up together on the Yorkshire moors, wild and inseparable, until Catherine's family decides Heathcliff isn't good enough for her. So what does Catherine do? She marries the rich, boring neighbor instead, casually destroying both their lives in the process.

Now Heathcliff's back from wherever he's been, mysteriously wealthy and absolutely committed to making everyone who wronged him suffer. He's not just heartbroken—he's weaponized his heartbreak into a multi-generational revenge plot that involves marrying people he doesn't love, manipulating inheritances, and basically ensuring that everyone at both estates is as miserable as he is. Oh, and Catherine? She's married, pregnant, and realizing she made a catastrophic mistake, but it's way too late to fix anything.

The stakes? These two can't live together, can't live apart, and their toxic obsession is destroying everyone around them—including the next generation of kids who didn't ask to be part of this nightmare. This isn't a love story where anyone wins. This is a love story where everyone loses, repeatedly, and then haunts the moors about it.

If you love dark romance that's more "mutually assured destruction" than "happily ever after," morally bankrupt characters doing unforgivable things, and gothic atmospheres so bleak they make you want to lie on the floor—this sweary retelling will wreck you in the best way.

Grab Sweary Classics: Wuthering Heights today and discover why this tale of obsession and revenge is the most beautifully toxic love story ever written—no family tree diagram required!