The Undying Dragon

A Paladin's Prayer, Book 1

De: L. D. Valencia

Narrado por: Mark Sanderlin

Where dragons once ruled, now the paladin stands.

In the queendom of Tenedris, paladins now protect the domain from dragon attacks. In the wake of war, a new crop of paladins have taken the field.

When an attack against the queen leaves the entire nation scrambling, paladins from every level of the order will be called upon to help. Everyone from the perennial soldier Dartanyan, the newly knighted Flynt, and the noble duke Solice.

As new evil is aroused from its slumber, powerful forces move against the queendom. When dark forces walk in the shadow, a new group of paladins will be forced to answer the call or fall to the evils before them. But can they survive the land of dragons? Will they raise their blades in victory, or will they sing the Paladin’s Prayer for the fallen?

Prepare to enter the land of ten dragons. If you like the magical armor of The Stormlight Archive but with the grand cast of A Song of Ice and Fire, then you will love The Undying Dragon: Book One of A Paladin’s Prayer.

©2025 L. D. Valencia (P)2025 L. D. Valencia

Good narrator, book needs work

Warning- some spoilers-

This book has great potential, but it desperately needs a final edit from a professional. In the prologue, the reader is TOLD that the main character, Flynt, is about to become a dragoon (wait to spoil the prologue) Flynt is given no age, no physical description, and no information is provided about the kingdom he lives in. The only details provided are that he is an orphan shepherd, skilled with a bow, and that his life is about to change. (You’re told several times to make sure you know…his life is about to change. Just in case you weren’t sure yet)

It would have been far more effective to simply show the reader these things in the prologue rather than simply telling them. That’s what the prologue is for.

The word “serpentine” is also used two or three times within 1-2 paragraphs, as if the author is intent on repeatedly reminding the reader that the serpent-like creature is, indeed, serpent-like. The prologue ends with a lord making Flint his new son and heir based solely on Flynt being decent with a bow and saving his life. It was laughable, though I can see the direction the author is attempting to take the story.

With little to no imagery, the book moves suddenly into Chapter One, which introduces a new character named Solice. The scene begins with action, and once again there are no descriptions provided, aside from the fact that he is large and can fight. A queen is introduced shortly after, yet there is no description of her appearance or age either. There is no noticeable story progression, and the chapter ends soon after. If this chapter were deleted, it would make no difference to the story’s progression at this point.

Chapter Two shifts back to Flynt, and an indeterminable amount of time has passed since the prologue. He has (apparently) completed his training as a squire and is now ready to fight dragons and save cities. Once again, there is zero world building and no descriptions of what any of the characters look like, yet the reader is bombarded with the names of every paladin present. At this point, my brain was screaming with unanswered questions.

Where did Flynt go to live and train? What did his former friends say when he left for this new life? Where did he even go? Where does he live now? How old is he, and how much time has passed? Was his squire training brutal? Has he made friends? What’s up with the Lord who adopted him. He’s not even mentioned again.

None of these questions are answered. I cannot even picture his face, as the only information given is that he is good with a bow and now somehow now possesses magical weapons and armor that grant him superhuman abilities. A duke dies, yet there is no emotional impact because the character was never even introduced. He becomes just another name on an ever-growing list. If the chapter started with the duke giving a speech or talking to Flynt, then at least there would be SOME level of emotional impact.

Chapter Three begins with yet another new main character, with… (can you guess?) no information regarding her age, physical appearance, or significance to the existing story. The author never thought to give descriptions for any of the characters? It’s the most bizarre thing. She calls her father “Papa” so I’m guessing she’s like …11? No idea yet.

Anyhow, Nothing notable happens in this chapter. It was slow and seemingly pointless to the actual story. It’s a filler chapter to say “hey look, another main character.”

Chapter Four continues where the previous chapter left off, and again, nothing notable or interesting occurs.

At this point, the book fizzled out for me, and I could not motivate myself to finish even one more chapter. Sadly, it is unreadable in my opinion. As much as I wanted to like it, I feel the author deserves an honest and respectful review.

As a first draft, this manuscript has great potential, but it is not ready for full publication. A reader cannot become invested in a half-developed story with no world building, no character descriptions, and no meaningful story progression within 5-6 chapters.

It feels as though the author wanted to focus solely on dragons, paladins, and interesting armor and weapons based on Fable. The only descriptions provided are related to dragon lore, different types of dragons, and action scenes involving dragon combat. The reader would need a pen and paper simply to keep track of the growing list of side characters.

The story itself is an interesting concept, but it needs to be rewritten, refined, and reworked to be more engaging and interesting to readers. My suggestions are to remove some of the filler characters, focus more on world building, and enrich the narrative with stronger imagery and character development, rather than relying almost entirely on dragons and action scenes.

There are excellent videos on YouTube for new writers, with all the do’s and don’ts. If the author watches a handful of these, then they will be able to turn this into a well crafted novel.

To the author, please do not TELL the reader what is happening, show them using your story. Start the story where the story actually starts and only name characters that are integral to the plot. If they aren’t important, cut them. Edit edit edit. A fashion model doesn’t need 100 pieces of jewelry. Semitones smaller is bigger.

Best of luck to the author. They have the imagination. They just need to focus on telling the story now.

I would not recommend this to readers in its present condition.

The voice narrator was good though.