The Crabby Old Git

Compilation

De: Phil Kingsman

Narrado por: Virtual Voice

The Crabby Old Git short stories have enjoyed success and have received some great feedback. Now you can purchase all four titles and save yourself the price of a bar of chocolate, nearly a pint of beer, or one of Crabby’s favourite chicken-ding microwave meals, compared to buying the four books individually!

The Crabby Old Git on Cruising
Anchors Away for a Great Parody on Cruise Holidays! Crabby’s best mate, Reg, has foolishly asked for his opinion on cruise holidays. A self-appointed expert, the Old Git lets Reg have it with both propellers: Cabin grade and the effect it will have on his bank balance - and stomach; perils of the arrivals hall; the curse of the ship’s paparazzi – and then there are the upgrade hustlers!

• How to avoid the bowels of hell
• Sage words on sea sickness
• Being alert for geriatric entertainers with books to flog
• And don’t get him started on the price of shore excursions!

The Crabby Old Git on Exercise
Crabby is in all sorts of trouble as his wife, Maude, makes him join the village exercise class. He can’t be trusted to be anywhere near keep fit equipment. Everyone around him, and especially Maude, thinks he’s totally unique – and they don’t mean that as a compliment!
Circuit training, Exercise bikes, Rowing machines...They hold no fear for our hero – since he is prepared to do anything and everything he can to avoid it, and he quickly sees through the trainer’s plot to give him a good workout.

• Is he a pain? Absolutely
• Does he get on Maude’s nerves? You bet.
• Is he insufferable? Yes

Why not spend a little while in his special world – it beats the real thing!

The Crabby Old Git on Weddings

The Old Git hates weddings but Maude says he has to go. He knows it’ll be a disaster, and sure enough, it looks as though he’s on the money. Crabby really gets the hump when he discovers Maude’s planning to turn the wedding invitation into a ‘romantic weekend’.

• Can Crabby escape Maude’s amorous advances?
• Will the vicar stay sober long enough to get through the marriage vows?
• Should the photographer leg it?

Enjoy a good giggle as the Old Git retells the tale of his weekend from hell to his best mate, Reg. It’ll get you thinking about every wedding you’ve ever been to.

The Crabby Old Git on Parenting

Our hero stumbles across his niece and her new husband in the village wholefoods shop after their return from honeymoon at the M93 protest camp, having spent a week in wellies and avoiding the police by mooning at them from zip wires. Being naïve for their age, they ask Crabby for advice on starting a family since they have lived in a commune for several years, but have been saving themselves for each other and don’t know ‘how to do it.’

Crabby rises to the challenge and spends a couple of hours giving them the benefit of, in his words, ‘his vast experience’ of the bedroom and parenthood…

Myths about getting pregnant and how to avoid dizziness.

Childbirth and the wonder of gas and air as an aid for the man of the moment. The first five years, then the next ten and how to remain sane…or at least a little bit.

All you need to know about vasectomies…and if you’re a bloke, quite a lot you probably won’t want to read…but I know you will anyway because you’re curious…Crabby tells them how it is, and when they have stopped crying, sends them on their way safe in the knowledge that his advice amounts to a job well done…poor sods.