Suspicious Plants At Walmart

De: Ron Bergeron

Narrado por: Virtual Voice

In April 2010 the European Grapevine Moth was discovered in the beautiful rift valley of Ukiah, California. The suspected source was produce trucks left overnight in infested areas of Hopland. At the same time, the powerful story you are about to read was unfolding. Ironically, I wrote this entire story ignorant of the fact that the infestation had already begun. During that summer I thought I witnessed violations of plant shipment quarantine and inspection requirements. These rules are in place to help slow the spread of non-native invasive fauna and flora. My story suggests the EGVM may have been brought into the Ukiah Valley through this preventable negligence. This true story is a record of the day to day events as I tried to navigate the maze of protocol and corporate bureaucracy to find answers to my questions. This has to be true, no one could make this story up. After you read this book you may never see Walmart or their Associates the same way again. I tried to describe people and events as precisely as I saw them, despite the fact that there is always a difference between what we see and what is actually real. Since laughter is perhaps the most important thing in my life, I saturated this book with as much humor as possible. Enjoy these samples from the book: “OH MY GOD!” An Associate at the next table wailed. “They cut my hours so much, my next paycheck won't be enough to cover my health insurance premium. I’ll owe Walmart money for working.” She held her face in her hands as the tears streamed out from between her fingers. I walked into the Outdoor Living Room to find birds pecking holes in the tops of the Ramen noodles and breakfast cereal boxes, again. Bird droppings are sprinkled all over the merchandise to be sold. This can't be a good thing. It would be nice to have indoor storage for a lot of the stuff we sell. Out here everything gets exposed to the elements and the animals. “How do you think someone does when they get their hours cut in half,” she replied as she slammed an item into a cart. “Oh, no!” the customer gasped. “Look, forget it. This isn't worth the hassle.” The customer abandoned her cart and items at Maggie’s register and stormed toward me and the door. I conjured up the most sympathetic look I could, and smiled valiantly as the lady approached. She stopped just inches from me, pointed her finger back at Maggie, The Cashier From Hell, and yelled, “THAT WOMAN SUCKS THE LIFE OUT OF YOU!!” I knew I was sending the fox to watch the hen-house, but I wasn't sure what was happening. I wanted to see if Walmart would do what's right without being told to do so by a government agency. Well, what a surprise; The fox took care of the problem in the hen house. It still amazes me just how naïve I was, when I look back on this moment. As of this writing, five months after we received the EGVM procedure from the County, I have not seen an authorized green waste container, or a plant identification book anywhere. Here was a Chinese man complaining that he didn't want to buy anything made in China. And every time he complained something was made in China, I felt like saying “But, so were you!” “ATTENTION ALL ASSOCIATES, we have a Code Adam. It is a little boy wearing blue jeans and a yellow pullover shirt." "You really are a beautiful man," Creepy Slim said. Just then, another drug addict came out of the store and walked past me. This addict wears a nice shirt and tie. He is the newest assistant manager Jansen, and he's demonstrating to all the children one of Walmart's best products, the cigarette. He is getting them ready to become lifelong customers. He doesn't have to be teaching kids how to do deadly drugs, there is a secluded room inside the store for smokers. Can't blame him though, the room is disgusting. And, in a true “Cradle to Grave” customer concept, Walmart now sells coffins. A portion of the proceeds from the sale of this book will be donated to Plowshares