Start with No

For Those Who Give Too Much—A New Plan for Dating

De: Heather Claus

Narrado por: Heather M. Claus

Duración: 1 h y 2 m

Resumen del Editor

Filter out 98% (or more) of users, abusers, liars, and jerks.

Yes, you read that right! In today's world of swipe rights and swipe lefts, the old ways of dating don't work anymore (if they ever did).

Picture this: you're swiping and chatting and doing coffee meets and drinks. Just when you think you've found a diamond in the rough, you realize they're just another Pickup Artist (PUA) in disguise. UGH! There is hope, though. With "Start With No," you'll learn to spot the red flags from a mile away and filter out those sneaky manipulators with ease.

Discover the power of saying no early and saying no often. From personal information to sexy talk, there are SO MANY ways to say no and protect your heart in the process.

Meet the cast of unsavory characters you're bound to encounter in the dating world. From "I can't take no for an answer" to "Well, farkle you, you nasty canker blossom!"—each personality type comes with its own characteristics you'll be thrilled to filter out of your life.

Of course no dating strategy is foolproof. But "Start With No" isn't about finding the perfect formula—it's about empowering you to take control of your dating journey and set boundaries that honor your worth.

On the other side... And hey, guess what? Saying no isn't just about protecting yourself—it's also about opening yourself up to the possibility of something real and meaningful. So embrace the journey, embrace the no's, and get ready to level up your dating game like never before.

Whether you're swiping left, right, or somewhere in between, "Start With No" is your ultimate guide to dating with confidence, clarity, and a whole lot of sass. It's time to rewrite the rules and start saying yes to the love—and the life—you truly deserve!

©2024 Heather Claus (P)2024 Heather Claus

The real deal

Heather Claus (aka Nookie) is the real deal. This book is worth your money, time, and your attention. The book itself is brief and self-explanatory. So, instead of telling you about the book, I’ll tell you about the high quality of *any* advice you get from Nookie.

I have had the good fortune to meet Heather in person, to casually hang out with her once (at a Fourth of July event years ago), and to attend one of her live workshops at a kink club in NC. The class she taught was about consent in the BDSM community. Now, that topic is beaten (bad pun intended) like the proverbial dead horse. Yet, she brought new meaning to the discussion.

There was one piece of “optional” advice she gave that, at the time, I thought was interesting but probably not vital. She even presented it as “a good idea” but not a mandatory rule. The suggestion she made was to refuse to settle for “regular” consent. She suggested that it is wiser to settle for nothing less than “enthusiastic consent.”

In other words, don’t accept a simple “Yes.” Hold out for a “Oh, dear god, please, yes! Please do *that*!” She shared an anecdote about how someone had used this technique with her. It is essentially “saying no,” unless you get that strongly encouraging enthusiastic consent. I have since come to view this idea of enthusiastic consent not as merely practical but as vital.

I suspect this idea continued percolating as she went on teaching. I also guess that Start With No is likely one of the fruits of that continually developing idea.

The consent workshop she shared with us was about the “negotiating” phase, specifically as it relates to kink/BDSM scenes. However, Start With No starts well before even that early stage. Start With No begins when you first interact with someone else, whether online, in public, or a club.

Start With No will only take an hour to listen to or even less to read in print. But it will save you years of hassle and potentially even heartache. Its basic premise extends beyond the kink scene. You can put it to excellent use in *all* areas of life. It will serve you as well in a business negotiation as in a romantic or sexual negotiation.

Get it. Use it. It’s not just a good idea; it’s mandatory.