Romeo and Juliet

A Sweary Classics Adaptation

Shakespeare's iconic tragedy—minus the part where you pretend iambic pentameter is easy to understand.

What's a Sweary Classic? The complete original story—same plot, same characters, same emotional devastation—just translated into modern, hilarious, sweary language that doesn't require a literature degree to understand. Think: all the star-crossed romance and family feuds, zero Elizabethan torture.

Romeo Montague is dramatically depressed over a girl who won't give him the time of day, so naturally his friends drag him to a party thrown by his family's sworn enemies, the Capulets. There, he locks eyes with Juliet Capulet and instantly forgets the other girl ever existed—because nothing says "true love" like meeting someone at a party and deciding to marry them approximately four hours later.

Now these two teenagers are sneaking around behind their families' backs, getting secretly married by a priest who really should know better, and making increasingly terrible decisions while their families are literally murdering each other in the streets. Romeo kills Juliet's cousin in a street brawl and gets banished and Juliet's parents try to force her into marrying someone else.

The stakes? If Romeo and Juliet can't figure out how to be together without lying to everyone, faking deaths, or getting exiled, their impulsive teenage romance is going to end in actual tragedy—and take a bunch of other people down with them. This is what happens when two kids fall in love during a blood feud and absolutely no adults can communicate like functional humans.

If you love passionate romance that moves at reckless speed, family drama that escalates to literal murder, and tragedies that ask "what if everyone just talked to each other for five minutes"—this sweary retelling will destroy you in the best way.

Grab Sweary Classics: Romeo and Juliet today and discover why this tale of young love and terrible timing still breaks hearts—no Shakespeare translation guide required!