Restaurant Kid

A Memoir of Family and Belonging

De: Rachel Phan

Narrado por: Rachel Phan

A warm and poignant narrative about finding one’s self amidst the grind of restaurant life, the cross-generational immigrant experience, and a daughter’s attempts to connect with parents who have always been just out of reach.

When she was three years old, Rachel Phan met her replacement. Instead of a new sibling, her parents’ time and attention were suddenly devoted entirely to their new family restaurant. For her parents, it was a dream come true. For Rachel, it was something quite different. Overnight, she became a restaurant kid, living on the periphery of her own family and trying her best to stay out of the way.

While Rachel grew up, the restaurant was there—the most stalwart and suffocating member of her family. For decades, it’s been both their crowning achievement and the origin of so much of their pain and suffering.

In Restaurant Kid, Rachel seeks to examine the way her life has been shaped by the rigid boxes placed around her. She had to be a good daughter, never asking questions, always being grateful. She had to be a “real Canadian,” watching hockey and speaking English so flawlessly that her tongue has since forgotten how to contort around Cantonese tones. As the only Chinese girl at school, she had to alternate between being the Asian sidekick, geek, or slut, depending on whose gaze was on her.

Now, 31 years after their restaurant first opened, Rachel's parents are cautiously talking about retirement. As an adult restaurant kid, Rachel’s good daughter role demands something new of her—a chance to get to know her parents on the trip of a lifetime.

Rachel Phan has crafted a vibrant new narrative of growing up, the strength and foibles of family, and how we come to understand ourselves.

©2025 Rachel Phan (P)2025 Dreamscape Media

This was 3 different books. Good story but...

...horrible structure.

First, trigger warnings. I almost quit listening at the point when she's 5 and she and her friend Talia hold hands and kiss each other's rear ends and she gets a "feeling." Or when she's 7 and getting interested in boys. Or when she's 10 and starts to masturbate. Or the many graphic sex scenes that followed. Instead, I just scrubbed forward, because I thought she was trying to make the point that as one of the ONLY people of color in her small Canadian town she felt like she had to choose between the Asian stereotypes--nerd, sex bomb, shrinking violet, etc. She alternated between the first two. The second seemed to be the easiest (she obviously had an innate sense of herself as a sexual being early on) and the most gratifying (but also humiliating).

There was enough else there of interest--the restaurant, the story of her family, racism. and so on--that I kept listening but then, unlike the first part which was a lot of "show," the second part was a lot of "tell." I didn't really mind because much of the telling was stats and in the vein of more academic writing. But I didn't like how the timeline suddenly was in fast gear and years and years were skipped.

Then the third part. Remember that bestseller years ago that tells the story from one person's POV and suddenly the POV is someone else's and it completely turns the first part on its head? This was like that. In this part she tells you a TON of stuff that she just left out of the first part, which would of explained a lot. So it's like she says, "Here's my story...but that's not really true. So let me tell you the REAL story, and while I'm at it, I'll tell you my parents' story." Here parents' story was, frankly, way more interesting than hers. There's some about her brother and sister but that fell a little flat.

I was also totally annoyed about one simple fact she could have told us up front because I found myself wondering about it and almost stopped to Google: Her parents were refugees from Viet Nam and came over in the early 80s but were Chinese. And I kept thinking...wait, that's not "the boat people" from right after the Viet Nam war. Are they from China or ethnically Chinese but born in Viet Nam? Ok, if they are ethnically Chinese...well, we all know what happens to ethnic minorities. She does eventually tell that story in "part 3." Fascinating. ZERO reason not to at least include that up front as she does some other relevant info. Well, if her intention was "Here's the story. Just kidding. Here's the real story," then I guess withholding that and a boatload of other info makes sense.