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We all loose our cool sometimes. but teenagers can find it particularly challenging to stay calm or calm down when enraged. It takes self-awareness and skill, and a level of brain development that just isn't there for some of them.

One listener contacted us for help with her son who is being goaded by friends at school and getting into trouble for losing his temper. We talk about the brain development stage that makes this so prevalent in teens, and discuss top tips for how she can support him in managing his emotions.

www.teenagersuntangled.com

EXCELLENT WORKSHEET:
https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/coping-skills-anger

Here are five key tips for handling a teenager with explosive anger:

1. Normalize the emotion: Help your teen understand that anger is a natural signal, not a problem. Explain the brain changes happening during adolescence that can make emotions intense.
2. Create a safe space: Provide a designated area where they can express anger without judgment. This could be a room, a punching bag, or a place to play loud music and release emotions.
3. Develop a trigger awareness strategy: Work together to identify anger triggers. Create a log to track what situations, comments, or environments set off their anger, and develop coping mechanisms.
4. Practice emotional regulation tools: Teach breathing techniques, use a code word (like "Flint") to signal when they're becoming overwhelmed, and help them recognize physical signs of anger building up.
5. Maintain a supportive relationship: Focus on positive reinforcement, listen without trying to immediately fix the problem, and consistently show love and understanding. Avoid punishment during angry outbursts and discuss strategies calmly when they're calm.

RESOURCES USED:

• Yale Medicine. (n.d.). Anger, Irritability and Aggression in Kids. [online] Available at: https://www.yalemedicine.org/conditions/anger-issues-in-children-and-teens#:~:text=For%20children%2C%20anger%20issues%20often.
• Myler, C. (2020). Understanding teen boys’ anger. [online] Maggie Dent. Available at: https://www.maggiedent.com/blog/understanding-teen-boys-anger/.
• ‌Russell, D.L. (2023). Anger Management Techniques for Teenagers: A Parent Guide. [online] They Are The Future. Available at: https://www.theyarethefuture.co.uk/anger-management-techniques-for-teenagers/ [Accessed 12 Jun. 2023]

Support the show

Thank you so much for your support.

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.

My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?

Featuring Mindfulness expert, Susie Asli

Having kids can seem like a non-stop obstacle course trying to get another living being to do things, whether for their own good or our own sanity.

Getting the right balance between love and discipline is incredibly tricky, and for many of us it's a constant haggle.

So what do the experts say about it? What works, and what about the teenager who doesn't seem to care?

READ MY BLOG:

• https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/whats-going-on-when-our-boundaries-and-consequences-dont-seem-to-work/

TOP TIPS:

1. Focus on Connection and a strong relationship with your teenager.
2. Let teens experience the direct results of their actions.
3. Consequences should be clear, time-limited, and directly related to changing the specific behavior.
4. Involve Teenagers in creating consequences.
5. Separate the Behavior from the Person: You love them unconditionally, but don't like the specific behavior.
6. Don't take away activities that support personal development.
7. Always provide context for rules and consequences.
8. Be Consistent and Fair: Follow through with consequences, but remain flexible and understanding.
9. Notice and acknowledge when they do well to build connection and mutual respect.
10. Seek Support if you're finding it challenging to manage your teenager's behavior.

RESOURCES USED:

• https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/family/effective-vs-counterproductive-methods-of-teen-punishment/?utm_source=AdWords&utm_medium=Search_PPC_m&utm_term=PerformanceMax&utm_content=&network=x&placement=&target=&matchtype=&utm_campaign=16929735023&ad_type=responsive_pmax&adposition=&kwd_id=&gclid=Cj0KCQiAnsqdBhCGARIsAAyjYjQ7VuP6YXy_xN5VEyj-jTeNIwj1LDUhiSEaegaxw4NeK4zBWoI1GVMaArsTEALw_wcB
• Parenting style as a moderator of the effect of temperament on adolescent externalising and internalising behaviour problems: https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/educational-and-developmental-psychologist/article/abs/parenting-style-as-a-moderator-of-the-effect-of-temperament-on-adolescent-externalising-and-internalising-behaviour-problems/78AC30E10887EC321057BF1E1C8CA349

Support the show

Thank you so much for your support.

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.

My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?

We'd all love our children to breeze through school, enjoying a satisfying academic life, having lots of friends, and coming out at the end feeling a success. But what if you have a child that doesn't thrive in an academic environment? What if they can't or won't do the work? How do you deal with it and what techniques can you use to motivate them?

According to eminent psychologist, Dr David Yeager, when kids hit puberty they're primarily looking for experiences that give them social status and respect.

He says the common belief that teens and young adults are lazy and incompetent causes us to miss what really motivates them, and do some pretty dumb things that don't help.

In his book, 10-25: The Science of How to Motivate Young People, Yeager - who's ranked as one of the top 0.1% most-influential psychologists in the world - explains how the science of motivating young people can help us to harness their drive for social status and a growth mindset so they're motivated to achieve their best.

BOOK:
10-25: The Science of Motivating Young People

DAVID YEAGER: Author/Professor/Scientist
yeagerds@austin.utexas.edu

TED Talks: Sir Ken Robinson Do schools kill creativity?
https://www.ted.com/talks/sir_ken_robinson_do_schools_kill_creativity?language=en

Books referenced:
The Self-Driven Child by William Stixrud and Ned Johnson
The Gift of Failure by Jessica Lahey
Thrivers by Michele Borba

Support the show

Thank you so much for your support.

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.

My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk