Ode to the Empire

Chronicles of Eldhjarta - Main Quest part 1

De: Devon Van De Zandt

Narrado por: Virtual Voice

"This job is more than a dance with death; it's a fool's leap into the abyss where getting caught means the Covenant might flay me, salt my wounds, burn me at the stake, and do it all over again—while chanting demoralizing hymns in falsetto."
— Armand, professional thief, amateur drama queen

Welcome to Eldhjarta: where death is common, decency is rare, and the only thing holier than the Light is the number of plot holes in ancient prophecy.

This isn’t your grandma’s epic fantasy (unless your grandma is into kinky cults and borderline heretical jokes). It’s a wild, muddy ride through a broken empire where everyone has secrets, most have weapons, and nobody’s washing their hands nearly enough.

The Empire teeters on collapse. Civil war brews. Dark powers gather. You know, standard Tuesday stuff.

Enter Armand: a young, underqualified thief with terrible impulse control and suspiciously good hair. What should’ve been a routine heist turns into a chaotic sprint through betrayal, blood, and at least one unexpected romance with a possibly possessed woman.

Elsewhere, two Imperial Rangers try to track down the stolen goods—while also failing miserably at pretending they're not totally into each other. Spoiler: they are.

And somewhere out there, a once-great general is spiraling into emotional ruin while still somehow winning battles, brooding dramatically, and scaring horses by merely existing.

With stakes this high and underwear this tight, can anyone save the day? Or are we all just waiting for the sequel?

Epic fantasy. Crude jokes. Unstable characters. No refunds.