I Loved an Alcoholic

The Words That Nearly Killed Us — and Those That Set Us Free

For ten years, Megan Whitfield lived with a man who could cut her open with a sentence at two in the morning and have no memory of it by breakfast. He drank. She covered for him, called his boss, cleaned up the mess. She learned to answer accusations that made no sense with arguments that changed nothing.

What she didn't see for years: the patterns were in the words. In how they fought. In how they went silent. In how she explained and justified and helped until helping became its own trap.

When she finally left, she expected him to fall apart. He got sober instead. Today they're close friends.

This memoir traces the communication patterns that keep people stuck in destructive relationships, and how those patterns begin to break once you can name them. Drawing on research in addiction and relationship science, it shows what happens in conversations that escalate, why well-meaning support can deepen dependency, and what it sounds like when someone starts speaking differently.