Half Dead! Half Alive! Too Dead to Die!

De: P.C. McCubbin

Narrado por: Virtual Voice

With a loud shout, Shag threw his hands in the air. “Harold, stop! I missed something! Explain again how Fuzz and I are too dead to be here! This is Afterlife Receiving! We are dead, Harold! Isn’t this where the no-longer-alive-dead are supposed to be?!” Harold sighed. “Sorry, guys, but before you can come Home, you got to be alive first, dead second. You guys were alive first and dead second the first time you came here. But you weren’t supposed to be here then. Erroneous errors happen." Fuzz jumped in. “Yeah. I remember your saying these clerks-in-training had only been on the job for a few decades. Brand new almost, huh?” Harold smiled. “Anyway, when I sent you back, well, we had another minor complication of my accidentally making you just half dead, half alive; not completely alive…or completely dead.” Shag frowned. “Harold, is that why we could feel rain but no pain?” Harold nodded. “Yes, but eventually I almost fixed you to be totally alive so you could totally die.” Fuzz frowned. “Uh, wait. Uh, you almost fixed us from half dead, half alive to totally alive…so we could totally die?” Harold nodded. “Yes, but your timing was all wrong. The bullets you got while half dead, half alive put the dead part before the alive part. And you can’t be dead before you are alive. That is just backwards and we don’t allow backwards here. That’s against the rules.” Fuzz thumped the pitchfork tine sticking out of his chest. Musical chime. “Can’t be dead before you are alive. Yeah, okay, guess that makes sense…maybe.” Shag shook his head. “Wait a second. You’re saying that half dead is technically all dead. So when you tried to make us alive again we were already all dead…technically. And being already all dead before being all alive is backwards and backwards is not allowed here. “So, per the rules here, we have to be totally alive before we can totally die but since half dead is technically all dead but not totally dead, you can’t make us totally alive long enough for us to totally die like a normal totally alive would totally die when his time came to be totally dead?” Harold exclaimed. “Yes! That’s it! You are too dead to die!”