A Little Underwater Odyssey — Ocean Drift, Whale Songs & Deep Sea Ambience

This week’s episode is a chill trip under the sea. Calm waters, whale song, churning motors, occasional sonar, and some drift. An underwhelming odyssey beneath the waves for relaxation, or a break from the bickering “brolitics” of the creatures living above sea level.

And let me save you the time James Cameron, I am positive if we fastened a microphone outside of our jolly ****** submarine it wouldn’t sound like this. I am not an oceanographer (well spaced clapping hand emojis). Like, I went to school hoping I would be a radio disc jockey… When my biology professor sister casually dropped like, yeah, when whales die they just sink to the bottom of the ocean. I was honestly flabbergasted, I didn’t assume whale hearses were a thing, I just—I don’t know what I thought…

Speaking of odysseys, I was at the movies with my wife this week, and there’s just a slew of trailers featuring the awesome power of man. Ancient long-haired dudes with pythons for arms and giant mythological weaponry clasped in catcher-glove-sized hands. Magic pew-pew-pewing all around. One was He-Man, one was some assassin… I step away from adult movies (to watch Disney/Pixar) for a bunch of years, and now the trailers are all The Northman.

And I’m in my wife’s ear like, “We dudes love fantasies where we’re awkward twerps as children, go away for years, and come back home as gods. And everyone is so glad you’re back. Totally starstruck—”

And she’s like, “What’d you say?”

And then in the trailer I hear a character say, “Odysseus…” and I turn to my wife and I’m like, “Never mind, I do want to see this movie.”

And she’s like, “Shut up, I’m trying to watch this.”

So I watched a movie this week—quietly.

Oh, also on our underwater theme… why is it that when you order anchovies on pizza, the pizzeria assumes you are a fish aficionado? When I order pepperoni, it’s not meat coverage from crust to crust. Ordering anchovies equals triple coverage by default. I ordered anchovies with olives once, and when I opened the pizza box, it looked like the bottom of a pond. It tasted like the ocean—with olives…

Men and women of pizza-dom, chill the **** out.