Choosing to Die: One Daughter's Story of Her Mother's Assisted Death

Medical assistance in dying is one of the most consequential — and least discussed — health decisions a family can face. Theresa Evans, critical care nurse and author of Choosing to Die, sat with Greg to talk about the three and a half months she spent by her mother's side in Canada as her mother chose MAID (Medical Assistance in Dying). The conversation covers the legal landscape, the family dynamics, the anticipatory grief of knowing the exact date, and — most importantly — why having these conversations now, before you need to, changes everything.About Theresa EvansTheresa Evans is a critical care nurse, international educator, and the author of Choosing to Die: A Daughter's Story of Supporting Her Mother's End of Life Through Assisted Death. Having spent decades at the bedside witnessing both good and difficult deaths, Theresa brings a rare combination of clinical fluency and personal candor to one of medicine's most sensitive topics. She lives in the United States and divides her time between nursing education and advocacy for informed end-of-life choice.Key TakeawaysKnowing your options reduces fear. Once Theresa's mother understood that MAID was available to her, she stopped fixating on future suffering and refocused on the time she had left. The option itself became a source of peace.MAID in Canada vs. the US looks very different. Canada permits intravenous administration by a physician; the 13 US states (plus Washington DC) where it is legal require patients to self-administer orally — a critical distinction, especially for those with progressive conditions like ALS.Two independent physicians must approve. In Canada, the patient must be evaluated and deemed appropriate by two separate physicians before MAID can proceed. The process is deliberate, not automatic.Anticipatory grief is its own experience. Knowing the date — November 15th, her mother's 80th birthday — meant living three months of grief before the death itself. Theresa writes honestly about how disorienting and unexpectedly clarifying that was.Advanced directives are a gift to the people you love. Theresa, at 66 with her 75-year-old husband, has already completed her own DPOA for healthcare and finances. She makes the case that waiting until a crisis is too late — and that even grown children may resist these conversations.You can do hard things. Theresa's takeaway isn't about MAID specifically — it's about showing up without an agenda. Her experience taught her that she could hold enormous difficulty with love and without pushing her own outcomes onto someone else.What we talked aboutHow Theresa raised the option of MAID with her mother — and what her mother did with itThe difference between MAID as practiced in Canada and in the US states where it is legalWhy her devoutly Catholic mother called a nun before making her decision — and what happenedHow the family navigated disclosure: who knew, who didn't, and whyThe role Theresa's nursing background played in being the family's "death sister"How a complicated mother-daughter relationship healed over four decades — and at the endWhat Greg's own experience with a dying stepfather revealed about forgiveness and apologyVSED (voluntary stopping of eating and drinking) as an alternative available to anyoneWhy the garden became a metaphor for everything the family was living throughHow to start having end-of-life conversations with people you love — now, not laterResources & LinksTheresa's book: Choosing to Die: A Daughter's Story of Supporting Her Mother's End of Life Through Assisted DeathFollow her in IGWebsite: choosingtodie.comMAID legal status in the US: Currently legal in 13 states and Washington DC, with approximately 12 additional states with legislation in progressVSED: Voluntary stopping of eating and drinking — a legal option available to any patient in any state, typically in the context of hospice or palliative careConnect with the Rebellious Wellness Lifestyle PodcastSubscribe wherever you listen to podcastsShare this episode with someone navigating end-of-life decisions in their familyLeave a review — it helps more people find the show. Need help? Here are step by step directions