278. How Do You Mean? It’s Not What You Say, It’s How You Say It

Whatever your message, the manner in which you deliver it is just as important.

You found the right words. You picked the right time to say them. You even tailored them to your audience. Why did your message fall flat? “It's your tone,” says Jefferson Fisher.

Fisher is a trial attorney, New York Times bestselling author, podcast host, and one of the most-followed experts in communication today. From handling high-stakes communication in the courtroom to navigating everyday conversations, he says successful messaging isn’t just about what you say, but how you say it. “It’s not your words, it’s your tone,” he says, “The words might be right, but the way you [say them] — that's what ends up controlling the day. Tone controls everything.”

In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Fisher and host Matt Abrahams explore how to set the right tone in all kinds of communication. Whether you're navigating conflict, giving and receiving feedback, or just trying to connect, Fisher offers practical techniques for ensuring the manner of your communication matches what you mean.

Episode Reference Links:

• Jefferson Fisher
• Jefferson’s Book: The Next Conversation Workbook
• Jefferson's Podcast: The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
• Ep.228 Negotiate Your Way to Success: Empathy, Mirroring, and Labeling

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• Matt Abrahams >>> LinkedIn

Chapters:

• (00:00) - Introduction
• (02:28) - Stop Winning Arguments
• (04:02) - Ask, Don’t Persuade
• (04:33) - Defuse Tension Fast
• (05:40) - Read the Room
• (07:36) - Observing vs. Absorbing
• (09:08) - Framing Conversations
• (11:21) - Fix Digital Communication
• (13:01) - Improve Your Tone
• (15:53) - Break People-Pleasing
• (17:18) - Setting Clear Boundaries
• (20:54) - The Final Three Questions
• (23:55) - Conclusion

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