Sex Addict - are you genuinely at 'ACTION' - on the 'STAGES OF CHANGE'?

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Sex - Addict, maybe you really are not yet at the 'ACTION' stage, as you think you are! 'Tools for 'ACTION' won't work if that is not the STAGE you are at.

Let's look at where you might be at, despite turning up at the Therapists office because you have been caught and you have the Damocles sword over your head from the threats to leave and take the children - from your partner; or you have had the early morning knock at the door from the police and you are in the Criminal legal proccess and need to show to the system that you are taking steps to quit.

Presenting for therapy does not mean you are ready for change and or to give up the behaviours. You see the 'need to give it up', but the 'desire to give it up' is lagging behind.

I am multi-talented and do brain surgery on all of my Sex Porn Love Addiction clients. I explain that I am going to cut round your skull; lift off the top; remove your brain and put your brain on the chair next to you. (Don’t forget to take it when you leave!)

Why do I do something so bizzare? Because I want you to know that your brain (we also call them “Parts”), is not your best friend all of the time. It is well intended. It is seeking to look after and protect you; but it does not always make right or best decisions for you in the moment.

There are times when it will work against you. It will sabotage. That is why I encourage all of my clients to build in “Treats & Rewards” into their programme of change. Over time, of the brain experiencing treats & rewards for small incremental good outcomes, I hope (eventually) to entice the parts of the brain to Start to work with you. It likes treats & rewards for good outcomes. Make sense?

There is another reason for doing brain surgery. I want to have a conversation with my clients, but I don’t want their brain to hear. I need to tell them something, but if their brain hears it, the brain may receive it as permission to Relapse. I don’t want to unwittingly give them that message.

But I do want them to hear that all the stats will tell us that most individuals do not achieve sobriety at their first attempt to change any behaviour in their life. Usually there are a number of repeated attempts. Learn to get up, dust off and get back in. Remember 'The Potholes Poem'? Request a copy from me, if you need it.

What are those 'STAGES OF CHANGE ' you are talking about Gary? The Stages of Change in behaviour occurs gradually. A person moves from being uninterested, unaware or unwilling to make a change (Pre-contemplation), to considering change (Contemplation), to deciding and Preparing to make a change.

Genuine determined Action then follows. Endeavours to Maintain the new behaviour occur, as well as the potential for Relapse snapping at its heel, to upset the journey towards life-long change.

Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.,

Help is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp

Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.

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