Unhitched and Understanding Divorce: Grief, Identity Loss and Your Path Forward with Oona Metz

Divorce doesn’t come with a single moment of grief.It arrives in waves, quietly, loudly, and often long after the paperwork is signed.

In this deeply validating episode of The Crazy Ex-Wives Club, Erica is joined by therapist and author Oona Metz, whose new book Unhitched: The Essential Divorce Guide for Women reframes divorce not as failure, but as a profound emotional restructuring.

Together, they unpack why divorce grief is often misunderstood, why women feel “crazy” for still hurting months or years later, and why traditional grief models fall short when applied to divorce.

Oona introduces her five-phase model of divorce grief, heartbreak, the emotional rollercoaster, mending, letting go, and moving on. A framework built from decades of clinical work with women navigating divorce. This conversation normalizes the emotional chaos, identity loss, and nervous system overwhelm so many women experience, while offering a grounded roadmap forward.

This episode is not about rushing healing. It’s about understanding it, honoring it, and trusting that rebuilding happens one stabilizing step at a time.

You’ll learn:

• Why divorce grief is different from bereavement grief

• Why healing after divorce is never linear

• The five phases of divorce grief and what each one actually feels like

• Why hope keeps women stuck longer than they expect

• How emotional rollercoasters are a normal part of divorce recovery

• Why legal processes intensify emotional dysregulation

• What “mending” really means after emotional depletion

• How self-love restores nervous system safety

• Why letting go includes releasing identity, myths, and future fantasies

• How to rebuild traditions without forcing old ones

• Why moving on doesn’t mean forgetting, it means re-investing energy

• How community accelerates healing when friends and family can’t relate

We talk about:

00:00 Why divorce grief shows up in unexpected ways

03:00 Why Oona wrote Unhitched after 30 years of clinical work

06:00 Why women feel isolated even though divorce is common

09:00 Why traditional grief models don’t fully apply to divorce

12:00 Phase one, heartbreak and the loss of hope

15:00 Why women hold on longer than they want to

18:00 Phase two, the emotional rollercoaster explained

22:00 Why feeling “crazy” is actually a healthy response

25:00 How the legal process amplifies emotional instability

28:00 Phase three, mending and reclaiming emotional energy

32:00 Why loving yourself changes how you parent and relate

35:00 Divorce as family restructuring, not failure

38:00 Phase four, letting go of identity and future myths

42:00 Rebuilding traditions without self-betrayal

46:00 Phase five, moving on without erasing the past

49:00 Why healing happens faster in community

52:00 Trusting the process when you’re still in the pain

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