Transforming Jealousy

Jealousy is one of the most misunderstood human emotions. It’s often either justified as proof of love or dismissed as something we should simply get over. In this episode, I take a different approach—exploring jealousy as a complex emotional signal that can sometimes serve us, while also examining the ways it becomes shaped and intensified by cultural scripts like patriarchy, scarcity, and comparison.

Drawing on insights from Jorge Ferrer—especially his reflections in Love and Freedom on sympathetic joy (mudita)—I explore how jealousy can be transformed rather than suppressed. Sympathetic joy is not about denying jealousy, but about developing the capacity to genuinely celebrate the happiness and success of others without experiencing it as a threat.

I also reflect on ideas from my book Green Flags: How to Be the Kind of Person You Need in Your Life, particularly the challenge many of us face in celebrating the “wins” of others. Often, our difficulty rejoicing in someone else’s joy has less to do with them—and more to do with our own insecurities and fear of scarcity.

Throughout the episode, I explore how jealousy is shaped by evolutionary factors, attachment history, and sociocultural conditioning, and how psychotherapy can help us discern when jealousy is pointing to a real relational issue—and when it has become a barrier to freedom, intimacy, and joy.

This is a conversation about moving beyond possession and comparison toward discernment, emotional maturity, and the possibility of shared joy—without moralizing, bypassing, or pretending jealousy doesn’t exist.