Autism and Challenging Behaviour with Carl Draper (Part 1)

In this week’s episode of The Autism Mums Podcast, we welcome back Carl Draper for part one of a two-part conversation.His last episode, learning to hear a child who doesn't speak, sparked so many questions from listeners, that we invited Carl back to talk more about the topic of challenging behaviours and autism. In this first part, Carl shares his personal experiences as a parent, how his understanding of behaviour has changed over time, and why unmet needs and stress responses are so often misunderstood.BiographyCarl Draper was born in a North Nottinghamshire mining village and moved to Bournemouth at 19, where he served as a beach lifeguard and discovered his love for surfing. Accepted into the Royal Marines, his plans changed after a serious leg injury during a heroic rescue, an event that earned him a Local Hero Award and a feature on BBC’s 999 Rescue. He later became RNLI head trainer for lifeguards across Dorset, then served over a decade with Dorset Ambulance Service. Shifting to education, he trained firefighters and police nationwide before retraining as a mental health nurse. Carl is currently studying at Bournemouth University. In 2015, he founded Waveslider, winning the Bournemouth Tourism Award in 2017, and began documenting life with his son Bodhi in 2020.Key TakeawaysEmotional regulation in parents plays a crucial role in reducing escalationChallenging behaviour is often a stress response linked to unmet needsChanges in routine and adult stress can significantly impact a child’s ability to copeA balance between boundaries and flexibility helps create emotional safetyChildren learn regulation by observing the behaviour of those around themLetting go of social judgement and outdated expectations allows families to parent with confidenceConnect with Carl DraperFollow Carl’s journey with his son Bodhi on the Waverslider Photography Facebook PageFollow Carl on InstagramConnect with The Autism Mumshttps://theautismmums.com/Follow us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theautismmumsFollow us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theautismmumsTranscriptVictoria Bennion: [00:00:00] Today we're joined once again by ourfriend Carl Draper, who many of you will remember from episode nine. For thosewho don't know Carl, he is currently training to be a mental health nurse andis the founder of Wave Slider, where he shares his brilliant photographs anddocuments life with his son Bodhi.Victoria Bennion:Frank Bodie's Assistance Dog is also a regular on wave slider. Carl's lastappearance on the podcast really struck a chord, and after that episode wentlive, he received an overwhelming number of messages from parents and carerswanting to know more about how he supports his son through moments of distress.Victoria Bennion: Andwhat's often labeled as challenging behavior. So today, Carl is back with us totalk honestly and openly about exactly that we could talk to Carl for hours. Sowe've split our conversation into two episodes. In this first part, Carl shareshis personal journey as a parent. How his understanding of [00:01:00] behavior has changed over time.Victoria Bennion: Thepowerful impact of learning to regulate his own emotions and what it reallylooks like to meet chaos with calm, even in the most public and confrontingsituations. This is a really raw, reflective, and incredibly insightfulconversation about unmet needs, stress responses, and the reality of parentingautistic children in a world that doesn't always understand. Natalie Tealdi:Welcome to the podcast, Carl. It's great to have you back.Carl Draper: Hi, howare you?Natalie Tealdi: Good.Thank you. So can we start by explaining how you define challenging behavior inthe context of autism, and can you also give us some examples of what you'veencountered?Carl Draper: Okay, soI guess our definition of challenging behavior is. Changing at the moment interms or context of autism? I think the one thing to remember where the childliked Bodhi is that he [00:02:00] is equallyprofoundly autistic and a DHD. So you have that autism side where, he likes hisroutine.Carl Draper:Everything has to be perfect. Everything's good. And then you've got the A DHDside, which is a constant clash, which is like letting a hand grenade off inthe middle of everything. I quite often think of Bodhi as pizza. He's perfectlyround cut into perfect triangles and comes in a square box.Natalie Tealdi: Ilove that.Carl Draper: He justdoesn't, it doesn't fit, but it's perfect, the challenging behavior, it allcomes with an unmet need and an inability to communicate his needs. So goingback to prior to when he was medicated for his A DHD, we had daily challengingbehavior where every evening at bedtime he would.Carl Draper: Go fromsettle to completely challenging, pinning you against the wall, pulling yourhair, grabbing your [00:03:00] face. And what Irealized is I think I was the biggest cause of this challenging behaviorbecause I come from a world where, I grew up in a pit...