Grief, Gratitude, And Getting Up

Holidays bring glitter and gravity at the same time. We’re laughing about hot coffee and bulldogs one minute, then staring down the second anniversary of my dad’s passing the next. That’s real life at our place: farm chores, craft fairs, small business hustle, and the quiet question that keeps chasing me—am I still making him proud?

We walk through the messy middle. I talk about avoiding my to-do list because I’m afraid of its size, watching the fences Dad and I built sag, and feeling like I don’t stack up to the man who seemed to do everything. Then Mom gets a surprise video reading from a trusted medium, and detail after detail lands with impossible precision—first dates, favorite songs, a Christmas stocking we’d bought hours earlier, even the TV volume quirks she never mentioned. That validation cracks something open. We finally watch the tribute video I made for his service. It wrecks me in the best possible way.

That night a dream arrives with steel-toe boots and an unshakable presence. I’m overwhelmed by bills and fear, and Dad walks up the stairs like he used to, hands me a look that burns brighter than words, and tells me everything without saying a thing: get up. From there we talk about practical hope—naming grief without feeding it, writing the list, accepting help, honoring signs without needing to control them, and choosing to live a life worthy of the people who loved us into being. If you’ve lost someone and still scan the sky for a sign, this conversation is for you.

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