How Being Right Actually Keeps You In The Wrong: What Now? for Alienated Parents

In episode 156, Shelby dives into the topic of comparative righteousness and explores how alienated parents can move past rigid right-wrong thinking. She categorizes four types of mindsets parents like us might fall into: the over analyzer, the justice seeker, the rigid role model, and the personal martyr. Shelby discusses the cognitive biases involved in these mindsets, such as all-or-nothing thinking, confirmation bias, naive realism, group bias, and the implications these have on our mental and emotional well-being. Emphasizing the importance of curiosity, compassion, and understanding, Shelby provides practical prompts and gentler phrasing alternatives for interactions with co-parents and children. She also delves into the roots of right-wrong thinking from both a neuroscientific and psychological perspective, encouraging listeners to adopt a more balanced and introspective approach in dealing with their experiences of parental alienation.

00:00 Introduction and Welcome

00:29 Listener Review and Reflections

03:57 Understanding Right-Wrong Thinking

15:58 The Over Analyzer Parent

22:58 The Justice Seeker Parent

31:37 The Rigid Role Model Parent

38:02 The Personal Martyr Parent

46:01 Origins of Right-Wrong Mindset

49:01 Understanding the Appeal of Outrage

51:20 The Role of Ego in Outrage

55:10 Client Case Study: Overcoming Victim Mindset

01:04:05 Recognizing and Shifting Rigid Mindsets

01:15:17 Practical Communication Strategies

01:24:43 Final Thoughts and Reflections