Drop the Hot Coal: Trading Grudges for Serenity

I woke up groggy with my usual vestibular hangover. I got my coffee and sat down ready to “download” guidance from my higher power through my morning sobriety meetings. Our reading covered being unwilling to make amends for a lingering resentment. What I realized was that I experienced a similar resistance to making amends. I wasn't ready because I didn't yet have the tools to face my part in the relationship. I lacked enough of the program’s tools and need to keep showing up to meetings and talking to my sponsor. Once I could see my role in that broken relationship, I could focus on cleaning my side of the street.

I'm a chronic grudge keeper. If someone wrongs me, they are out of my life but stay in my head. It doesn't feel good to hold a grudge, but I do it anyway. Forgiveness is not a gift to the person that you're forgiving, it is a gift to yourself. Forgiveness is canceling the emotional debt that you've been holding on to. I heard this morning that anger is like holding on to a hot coal hoping the other person gets burned. Forgiveness allows me to drop the hot coal, let go of my ego and desire to be right, and instead seek serenity.

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