Alice's Adventures in Wonderland

A Sweary Classics Adaptation

Lewis Carroll's surreal fantasy masterpiece—minus the part where you're not sure if any of this is supposed to make sense.

What's a Sweary Classic? The complete, unabridged original story—same plot, same characters, same emotional devastation—just translated into modern, hilarious, sweary language that doesn't require a literature degree to understand. Think: all the absurdist wonder, zero Victorian torture.

Alice is having the most boring afternoon of her life when she spots a talking white rabbit in a waistcoat sprinting past her, panicking about being late. Being a curious kid with questionable decision-making skills, she follows him down a rabbit hole and falls into the weirdest place that has ever existed—where she immediately starts shrinking, growing, and generally having a terrible time controlling her own body size.

Now Alice is stuck in a world where nothing makes sense, everyone speaks in riddles and nonsense, and the rules change every five minutes. She meets a grinning cat that disappears except for its smile, a Mad Hatter throwing the most unhinged tea party in history, a Duchess with anger management issues, and a Queen of Hearts who solves every problem by screaming, "Off with their heads!" Alice just wants to get home, but first she has to navigate trials, croquet games with live flamingos, and conversations with creatures who are either brilliant philosophers or completely insane—possibly both.

The stakes? If Alice can't figure out the logic of this illogical nightmare world, she might be stuck here forever—or worse, get her head chopped off by a tyrannical queen with a playing card army. Every choice leads to more chaos, every character is utterly mad, and Alice is starting to wonder if she's losing her mind or if Wonderland is just this ridiculous.

If you love absurdist adventures that make you question reality, whimsical chaos that's darker than you remember, and heroines who refuse to accept nonsense even when surrounded by it—this sweary retelling will delight you in the best way.

Grab Sweary Classics: Alice's Adventures in Wonderland today and discover why this trippy tale of curiosity and madness still enchants readers—no philosophy degree or mushrooms required!