I laughed. "Yeah, you can say that again. He's not right in the head, that kid. He's a great guy, really funny, but the wires in his head are not connected to the proper terminals. He's just crazy. Mostly he's fun crazy, but occasionally it's downright disturbing to be in his presence."

"You still going steady with that gal, Jenny?" Doris smiled and sat across the table from me.

"Oh, no, ma'am," I said. I finished chewing the food in my mouth and took a sip of orange juice. "She and I broke up a few months ago. I'm a single man."

"Aw, that's a shame," Doris said. "She seemed like a sweetheart." She cut off a bite-sized piece of French toast, dipped it in egg yolk, and placed it into her mouth.

"Yeah, she is... but, well, she's so immature," I said. I ate a strip of bacon and a mouthful of egg, washed it down with coffee, then continued what I'd started saying. "I just didn't like hanging around with her and her friends anymore because they're not doing anything with their lives. They act like they're still in high school. As you yourself pointed out at the cafe the other night, I'm a junior entrepreneur and a man of action. I want to spend time with a woman who's more mature and in the real world already, not some silly girl who's hanging on to high school and can't move on."

"Oh... you're fond of more mature women, are you?" She smiled and wobbled her head ever so slightly from side to side in that way people sometimes do. I never know how to read that. You know what I mean? Like, it has some kind of meaning to people who do it, and other people who do it must get what they mean, but as someone who has never wobbled his head from side to side slightly and is from a family of people who never wobble their heads from side to side, I don't get it.

Anyhow, I answered, "Yes, ma'am, I sure am." I smiled and winked. That's my background. I'm from a family of smiling winkers, not head wobblers.

"Well, don't ask me how I know it, but a slim, handsome, muscular, handy, young go-getter like yourself will have no trouble finding a mature woman who'd take an interest in you."

"Oh, you think so?"

"Baby, I know so."

Boom! In a flash, we were rolling around on the rust-colored living room carpet, making out like crazy! I have no memory whatsoever of us standing, exiting the kitchen, and entering the living room; I swear. We just, like, evaporated in the kitchen and materialized in the living room, like something you'd see in some crazy sci-fi flick. No lie! Oh, who am I kidding? No lie, my ass. I'm sure she must have grabbed me by the wrist, yanked me up from my seat, and dragged me in there, but I sincerely have no memory of it. All I know is suddenly I'm on my back on the carpet with this wild woman on top of me, kissing me, and grabbing me and groping me.