Summary
Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing is a memoir by actor Matthew Perry, known for playing Chandler Bing on the hit sitcom Friends. With wry wit and remarkable honesty, Perry recounts his childhood loneliness, sudden rise to stardom, complicated relationships (both romantic and familial), and ongoing struggle with addiction. He shares his journey through alcoholism and opioid abuse, aiming to support others facing similar challenges. Perry emphasizes that recovery is hard but achievable, and requires a supportive community. His memoir, which was published in 2022, a year before his death, ends on a poignant note of hope.
Plot
In his memoir Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing, Matthew Perry details his experiences with fame and addiction. The book begins with a life-threatening event in 2018 when his colon burst due to opioid overuse, resulting in a seven-hour surgery and a two-week coma. This incident reflects Perry's ongoing battle with substance abuse. Perry's addiction began at age 14 with his first drink, which he thought was a solution to his insecurities. This initiated a cycle of self-destruction, exacerbated by his rise to stardom as Chandler Bing on Friends.
Perry also discusses his personal relationships, including high-profile romances with Julia Roberts and Valerie Bertinelli. These relationships often overlapped with his addiction struggles, leading to patterns of dependency. At one point, he filmed Friends while living in a rehab facility.
Despite facing challenges, Perry describes moments of clarity and his persistent efforts toward recovery, spending millions on rehabilitation. His memoir addresses themes of hope and gratitude for opportunities at redemption and continued life.
Themes
Addiction as an ongoing struggle
In Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing, Matthew Perry details his battle with addiction, focusing on alcoholism and opioid dependence. Perry underwent detox 65 times and spent more than $9 million on treatment, highlighting the severe impact of substance abuse on his life.
Perry began drinking heavily at age 14, leading to a disconnection from reality. An injury later introduced him to painkillers, escalating to a consumption of up to 55 pills of opioids daily within 18 months. He describes his internal battle with addiction, stating, "My mind is trying to kill me and I know it."
Publicly, his fluctuating weight reflected his substance abuse cycles–excess weight gain linked to alcohol use and weight loss linked to pills. Perry's addiction significantly affected his health and personal relationships, leading to self-sabotage of important connections. Perry uses his memoir to discuss the power of addiction and emphasizes the continuous nature of recovery. He stresses that confronting addiction requires honesty.
The pressures of stardom
Matthew Perry gained global fame through his role on the TV series Friends, a hallmark of the '90s and early 2000s. In his memoir, Perry discusses the challenges he faced despite the show's success. Playing Chandler Bing became a career milestone, a role he almost declined due to existing commitments. Although securing the role felt like winning "the jackpot," it came with unexpected pressures.
Perry's personal life faced intense scrutiny during the show's run, which compounded his struggles with addiction. His pursuit of approval created a cycle where success intensified his internal challenges. While Friends depicted themes of unity and belonging, Perry's reality was marked by a personal quest for similar comforts, overshadowed by substance issues.
The memoir presents a contrast between Perry's on-screen persona as the witty Chandler and his off-screen battles with loneliness and addiction. This duality captures the complexity of Perry's legacy, characterized by notable achievements and personal challenges.
Personal crises and turning points
Matthew Perry describes significant events that influenced his journey to sobriety in Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing. One key moment was when Friends co-star Jennifer Aniston confronted him about his drinking. Her comment, "We can smell it," led Perry to hire a sober companion at work.
In 2018, Perry faced a life-threatening health crisis when an opioid-related incident caused his colon to burst. He fell into a coma for two weeks and underwent a lengthy hospital stay. This incident forced him to confront the reality of his addiction, acknowledging, "I did this to myself."
Perry's therapist warned that continued drug use might result in living with a colostomy bag. This stark warning encouraged him to commit to recovery. These events suggest that friendships, personal crises, and professional guidance influenced Perry’s path to recovery, indicating a trajectory of rediscovery and hope.
Struggles with insecurity and loneliness
Matthew Perry reflects on his pursuit of fame as an attempt to fill an emotional void, which ultimately proved unfulfilling. As Perry notes, his humor often masked his pain and his character on Friends, Chandler Bing, often mirrored his real-life struggles. He also shares how he sometimes sabotaged loving relationships. Perry acknowledges an awareness of life's transient nature and his fears of isolation.
Community support in recovery
Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing underscores the critical role of community support in addiction recovery. Perry details the support of friends and family during difficult times in his life. These relationships provided stability and encouragement. Connections with fellow addicts offered shared understanding and bonding over common experiences. He describes interactions in recovery groups as essential in overcoming cravings and finding solace. Friends actively supported his adherence to recovery routines, demonstrating their commitment to his well-being. Perry also notes that colleagues on set offered a compassionate environment during his struggles. The memoir emphasizes that sustainable recovery often relies on collective community efforts.
Quick facts
Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing was a New York Times and Amazon bestseller.
Lisa Kudrow wrote the foreword to the memoir, calling Matthew Perry “sweet, sensitive and rational.”
The memoir candidly covers Perry’s addiction battles, related surgeries and health issues, and his recovery journey, aiming to break addiction stigma.
Matthew Perry was prescribed phenobarbital as a baby, which he believes led to lifelong sleep problems and made him vulnerable to addiction.
He began struggling with alcohol and painkiller addiction at the age of 14.
Perry survived a life-threatening colon rupture in 2018 due to opioid use, with just a 2% chance of survival.
He spent over $9 million on addiction recovery, including 15 rehab stays and more than 65 detox sessions.
Perry transformed his Malibu house into Perry House, a sober living facility to help others fighting addiction.
In his memoir, Perry describes his fluctuating weight, acknowledging how his struggle with addiction was visibly reflected in his changing appearance throughout Friends.
Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing gained attention for a controversial comment about actor Keanu Reeves, for which Perry apologized.
Matthew Perry narrated the audiobook edition of his memoir himself.
Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing was published on November 1, 2022, a year before his tragic death on October 28, 2023.
About the author
Matthew Perry (1969-2023) was an American and Canadian actor, director, screenwriter, and author. He became internationally known for portraying Chandler Bing on the sitcom Friends (1994-2004). He received Primetime Emmy Award nominations for his performances in The West Wing (2003) and The Ron Clark Story (2006). He also played leading roles in films including Fools Rush In (1997), The Whole Nine Yards (2000), and Serving Sara (2002).
Perry experienced a challenging childhood after his parents' divorce. He excelled in tennis as a teenager, achieving national ranking, but ultimately pursued a career in acting. While his success as Chandler Bing brought fame, Perry continued to struggle with insecurity and loneliness. In his memoir Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing (2022), Perry offers a candid account of his decades-long battle with alcohol and opioid addiction, and his journey to recovery. Stressing that addiction is a disease and not a personal failure, Perry aimed to offer hope and support to those facing similar struggles.
